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In such a beshitted world, complaining about small things can feel selfish or petty. Not here, friend. Tell me your insignificant grievances
888 replies and sub-replies as of Feb 16 2017

I just gotta say, this is really fun and interesting to me to see what is bugging people all over the world
I gotta take a quick break but I promise I will read all of these. What a beautiful tapestry of life's little slights!
Hey I am sorry I am so slow to these - I will keep RTing and responding but I am blown away by all the responses. Thank you all so much!
Don't apologize the thread itself is the gift!
Only Sisyphus himself would understand!
please do this again. It's cathartic & seeing other people's little bugs makes me feel less crazy and petty about my own.
I just wanted to say that I loved your empathy for each person. Super renewing to read through your witty kindness.
Even though I theoretically support public radio, I fly into a blind rage whenever they do a pledge drive.
I like Ira Glass, but I don't "hear about a tote bag every 10 minutes" like him
Here's a very sad fantasy: I become a billionaire, &call in to the pledge drive in the opening minutes just to shut it down
So fun - thanks for doing it!
I hate it when people are later & so I leave late cause I know they will be late & they're even later!!! And it was cold.
This is quenching my soul. ❤
you're doing a fine job with your witty responses, and calling out which ones aren't really insignificant! haha
you're an angel man. Well done.
my cats don't respect me or my house
cats are the haughtiest animals in god's kingdom
@Mickey_McCauley: @JJonnyJohnson cats are the haughtiest animals in god's kingdom” @janegaylinn
No argument there
I honestly love mine, but can't wait till they die.
Cats are jerks, man. I love them but they're jerks
cats don't bond if you don't actively seek it and maintain it~ my cat is incredibly warm and affectionate
Still washing my dogs' goddamn paws (your requests for pettiness suspiciously line up with TX rain)
We had our foundation repaired and now backyard is mudpit and letting hairy-pawed dogs back inside requires 10mins paw wash
dogs are the sloppiest creatures in god's kingdom
haha clearly you haven't met my roommates.
same: "I'm missing my show because you went in the mud even though you KNOW what 'Don't go in the mud!' means!"
I downloaded an add-on to google chrome to limit my time on some websites (including twitter). I just use safari now.
when you fight yourself, you already know all your moves. Double-edged sword
But at least you win, or...
that's not true. I repeatedly lose to myself at chess
I downloaded a program to my PC. So now I use my phone. The struggle is real.
wait, that's a real app??
I downloaded a similar app to my phone then deleted it the second it finished installing.
can't find my knife-sharpening steel. makes no sense. where would i ever have taken it. i got some dull-ass knives
knife sharpeners are primarily known for their absence in crucial moments
plus your steel doesn't sharpen the knives anyway
The cast of 'Love Actually' is reuniting:
a sequel unwanted, unneeded, unacceptable!
May be this time it's called Welllll Actually
Its for comic relief a charity which does great work for people in Britain and Africa .. only 10 mins long ...
my toilet spontaneously stopped flushing today & it's the tankless kind so I don't have a terlet for at least the next day
it's a tankless job, but somebody's gotta do it
my only qualm with this is that it's extremely far from an insignificant grievance. The toilet is the most vital appliance
fair but it's too mundane/gross-adjacent for me to complain a lot about it
would a bucket of water flush it?
I don't think so, I just push down the flusher and nothing happens
nope. The problem seems to be with the flusher mechanism itself.
Water goes directly in the bowl. Fast. At least a gallon. It will flush. Use a bucket.
No tank required.
It doesn't fix your toilet, but at least it'll be un-full.
Thanks I figured a "Pete the plumber" would explain this
I had this once. It's prob a valve. Internet said to hit the mechanism w/mallet. Worth a try if on floor 1?
I didn't try it because I didn't want to risk flooding my downstairs neighbors if something went wrong.
The property manager keeps the heat so high in my apartment that my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups melted in the cupboard
loss of a tasty treat plus a sticky cleanup job? double whammy. condolences
Thank you. They've been salvaged in the fridge but I do prefer a room temperature peanut butter cup in an ideal world
Keep them in the fridge, take them out a few minutes before eating. Anticipation will sweeten the treat.
I keep them in the fridge because they taste better that way.
can't find a good steak Caesar salad at any bars by my place
I could really go for a steak Caesar salad myself. That's a bar staple. Shame on the local saloons
I crossed borough lines and found one. I ate is so hard that my ears popped. Bless you
i sit next to the radiator at work and it's extremely hot but if i open a window everyone else will get mad at me
essentially the same situation as the boilerroom irish laborers on the Titanic. Sucks man
I feel your pain! I'm always too hot.
I like orange soda but I can't have caffeine. All the convenience stores near me stock only Sunkist, the one with caffeine.
Brand strangleholds are far more insidious than the media cares to report on. Boo to Sunkist!
my flatmate uses my nice kitchen knife to cut pizza, when we own a pizza cutter
every kitchen has a nice knife, and woe to the dullard who squanders its power on trivialities
"Woe to the dullard who squanders it's power on trivialities" is a truly delightful sentence.
See: aforementioned subtweet on knife sharpeners.
your roommate is a monster
I'm allergic to avocado, which is the worst b/c guacamole looks like the most wonderful food in the world.
like every dickensian orphan with their nose pressed to storefront glass, it is painful to be on the outside looking in
I'd probably inject it into my veins if it wouldn't kill me.
keep this guy away from my baby's diaper
you could try cooking the avocado. I'm allergic to a lot of fruits, but only if they're raw
I've been having bad luck with resealable bags for food stuffs lately, and it pisses me off.
there's no item that I have more blind faith in despite repeated failures than resealable bags. I feel you
Amazon sent me the European version of a game I ordered so I have to exchange it. Dell sold me a broken monitor.
Dell and Amazon. King and Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain
i get pad thai from a food truck. they put a lime wedge in it. when i get back to the office the lime is too hot to squeeze
I hate when the veneer of thoughtfulness (giving you a lime wedge) insulates someone from legitimate criticism (too hot to squeeze)
this is a good description of how I masturbate
You were the best comic in that startup/comedy show I produced, but you moved away, so eh, no need to do that show again.
this is very nice of you to say! I am sorry I deprived you of further opportunities!
Oh, no regrets! Your career shouldn't be 20 years of Truck Nutz in Boston! 🚚
my Wednesday night basketball pickup games are from 8-930 and it really messes up when and how to eat dinner
that's brutal. Do you risk the stomachache of a pre-game dinner or risk passing out on the court from not eating since noon?
huge lunch involving rice, lethal amounts of pm coffee, peanut butter, couple bites of my gfs dinner, fall asleep on court
one-way ticket to toiletville
not just the world that's beshitted
this thread is my tuesdays
The neighbor insists on parking his giant trailer (which contains tiny race cars) in front of my house instead of his.
that's amazingly rude and compounded by the absurdity of the trailer's contents.
Wouldn't it be a shame if a tow truck appeared during the night and took it away?
wait i wanna know why it is full of tiny race cars?!
Because you'd only get one in if it was full-size!
that makes them yours, I think.
from the tweet, I desperately wanted that 2b a pic of a hot wheels truck in front of fisher price playhouse.
wouldn't it be such a shame if, say, a tub of nails fell over in that particular spot 🙄
my manager is on medical leave and i feel guilty talking about all the work i have cus it sounds like i dont care about her
really frustrating! Treading that line of respect for her health and self-advocacy is so tough
i don't have cable so I watch sports online w/ a slight delay so my brother always texts me seconds b4 cool shit happens
sports spoilers due to lagging livestreams are the modern day pirate's curse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. I live by the Skydome. They blow a fucking horn so loud it spoils home runs AND wins
AND home run walk off wins. Omg. Omg..... I have written the Rogers Centre about this several times LOL
Evan you need to talk to your brother. I have a society where we all check in with each other before spoiling.
i put it on do not disturb but i lack the self-control necessary not to check it a bunch
I spent a summer watching past Survivor seasons. So many times I spoiled myself on Wiki like an idiot.
gotta think this is more likely right before awful things happen. @StXMrHilbert
Thank God the Sean Woods / Laettner shot sequence was well before the advent of text messaging.
the toilet paper at work is cheap and that makes my evenings bad
universal dual-ply toilet paper should be the stretch goal of democratic socialism
but first: universal toilets.
My boyfriend started bringing a backpack with a roll of good toilet paper in it to work. Odd but effective.
My co-teacher is leaving this year, and I also want to leave but it feels like she beat me to the punch so I would stay
doesn't seem fair to be able to call shotgun on a major life decision
the squirrels in the attic that wake me up like clock work at 1am and 7:45am every day.
critters have no regard for the circadian rhythms of their neighbors! stinking varmints!
I hear you! They play with acorns up there like they're bowling!
fleshlight isnt tight enough
bloomingdale's didn't let me return a $250 wedding gift bc I didn't have the box
What a soulless thing for a big corporation to do! They are shooting themselves in the foot with this shabby treatment!
thank you! That's what I told them! After I spend thousands of dollars on the rest of my dishes, I am so done with them
when you press the home button while in an app and the app goes to half the screen. Some damn bs
my Starbucks is always out of matcha 🍵
green tea is a beverage I get to feel good about myself, and I hate when places that should carry it are out of it!
right? And it's always when I'm crying in my car about real problems & just want something I like that makes me happy.
the bank thought it was a good idea to give all my money to someone who wasn't me, they didn't even ask
that's the opposite of a good idea! It's a terrible one! I'm sorry!
thanks they're working on a fix, now if only they'll give me a deposit box for all my used Pogs.
someone in my office always turns off the light in the accessible toilet even though it's on a motion sensor.
environmentalism goes too far! Trust the system, man!
i can't stand when people use the phrase "begs the question" when they mean "raises the question"
sometimes i try to send a DM and have bad reception. it doesnt send. i try again and it sends twice and i look dumb as hell
The Double DM is the scourge of any poster - freaking Verizon or whoever making you look desperate and incapable!
it is, in fact, verizon. thank u friend
don't pick on Verizon..Now you can get unlimited double messages!!
you probably hit 'print' three or four times too.
when you double click a cell in excel and it jumps to another cell like 20 squares away, ruins the day tenfold
Excel is the devil's spreadsheet application and the only one I know how to use
I have found a community here and also here:…
the stupid garbage truck that does my route has trouble getting up the hill so the engine wakes me up every Tuesday, 6:30am
Ugh! C'mon municipal government! Give the sanitation department some love! Let them upgrade the trucks!
one dog keeps stealing the other dog's toy. Will I never have peace?
my family's smaller dog loves sleeping in the bigger one's bed. Total power move. Canine version of annexing Crimea
TSEllieCat pushes MollyCorgi out of her bed
I LOVE your cat's name. and it sucks to be a corgi: short legs. No respect.
tselliecat must be a maine coon!
she is - still growing too :)
I bet! We had an orange one. She weighed 22lbs @ her highest weight. She wasn't fat, just big! She had double paws & lived 20yr
I need a new clip to submit for bookings (8 months old & I'm way better now), but I need to get booked to film a solid clip
The standup's catch-22. Tartarus-like cruelty
it's an insignificant grievance! It'll work out over time!
I've recently learned that school custodian isn't an entry level position and my college degree won't cut it
"you must have 5 years of experience to get this opening-level job" ugh!
it has been raining all day today. I just want it to not be raining.
Rain is the most stultifying weather and impossible to banish!
every single day my train gets held right before it docks in the station because they still haven't fixed the broken track
that's such an easy and obvious fix! so aggravating!
this is from the Hoboken crash, in which they just put up scaffolding in October and walked away nonchalantly
to be honest, this airing of grievances has alleviated 20% of my built up stress.
my dog refuses to cuddle next to me most days of the week and when she does want to it's while I'm working
the Fickle Hound is so hard to hate because it is so loveable
My dog leaves the room everytime I sit at my desk to work. I don't understand why she finds it so offensive.
There's a universe of dog idiosyncrasies that I think are only explained by God when you get to Heaven
Dear dog lovers, I hope it helps: cats can be like that too. Mine has this "don't touch me" mood this week 🙀
a lady *ran* in front of me to get into the express checkout in the supermarket this am with more than 12 items!
this should be a federal offense. what the hell lady.
that's a perfect storm of grocery rudeness!
I bought a new lipstick but it doesn't twist up and I threw out the receipt when I left the store. 💄🖕
nooo! so frustrating because the lipstick is...right...there!
I'm really upset by this. If it was sephora or ulta, still take it back
I ordered three bras through the mail and someone stole the package off my porch. Now the USPS is ignoring my theft case.
the USPS is so bad about theft, it's maddening
I mean, what are the odds they have the same cup size? Such a senseless theft
stroking my beard is relaxing and helps me think, but then it looks like a baby bird burrowed into it
I love ruffling my hair but it looks awful ruffled. The hirsute dilemma rages on
this is me oh god i look like stuck a fork in a outlet
wouldn't it be great to deploy and retract at will, like an angry porcupine?
oh man that would be awesome.
onions and garlic are two of the best ingredients but dealing with their loose skins makes me pull out my hair
people on the train who put their bags on seats MOTHERFUCKER DID YOU BUY TWO TICKETS I DONT THINK SO
I'm saving this seat for my things, because I am a dying pharaoh, not a commuter
laughed. Out. Loud.
how about when they put their WET UMBRELLAS on the seats 😡
We accidentally bought those tortilla chips so thin they snap under the weight of the salsa.
This is my favorite grievance in this thread.
The worst part is there's guacamole in my fridge and I know I can't touch it.
what moronic tortilla company isn't taking dippage into consideration when designing chip dimensions!
The person who put honey in squeeze bottles should be condemned to an eternity of emptying their 1/3 filled bottles
Xochitl, I’m guessing.
I didn't want to name names but that's exactly right. "Thin & Crispy" my ass.
When I see people buying them I think, “You clearly don’t know anything about chips."
Left my earbuds at home. People are talking on the train and I can't drown it out. No one is even talking about cool stuff!
the lament of the forgetful commuter! Hell is other people for sure!
Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.
every time I make oven fries in my apt, the smoke detector goes off (even though the fries are not even close to burnt)
I hate appliances with an overabundance of caution! let me live!
Clipper cards can take multiple business days after you pay online for the balance/pass to be available
doesn't it feel like the internet should make all these things instantaneous? C'mon!
my new jeans fit well, but they are still all stiff and new and uncomfortable. Wish they would just be soft now.
there's nothing better than worn in jeans, and nothing more uncomfortable than new ones. hard agree
i am new to prescription glasses and holy shit keeping them clean sucks ass.
same! w/in days i went from "holy god i can see again" to "jesus what is this gross stuff falling off my face"
the 'well it smudges so it's not dust, oh god what' moment is something.
having a necessary accoutrement that requires upkeep is so annoying!
it is. i never knew what so many struggled w/ daily until now.
after a while you don't really notice the smears, gross but true.
to my own surprise, I really didn't like westworld but now I feel obligated to finish it and everyone just dies SO OFTEN
sometimes it feels like writers only know how to advance a plot through death. There's other literary devices y'all!
lots of people don't use their turn signal. They should.
absolutely. It's rude AND dangerous!
my dog is very nice when meeting other dogs and people call her submissive in a very patronizing tone that drives me batty
you should call their dogs "assholes" and see how they like it!
i bit my tongue
so universal, and yet so personal - I feel you!
my coworker won't shut the fuck up even when I have headphones in😭
my oldest daughter climbs out of bed like 5 times a night and I never sleep. Should I use alcohol or nyquil?
not being a parent myself, I have no idea - it's insane how little sleep kids seem to need
hey Mickey I got this one: BOOZE
SOURCE: I am childless but an alcoholic, so
I will report the findings back tomorrow
Someone keeps stealing my desk chair and I'm starting to paste passive aggressive notes around my cubicle in response
good! viva la resistance!
I sleep in a closet and it's small enough that I spill drinks constantly when I'm trying to snack, gets on my stuff :(
that totally sucks! spills are god keeping us humble and reminding us that we're dumb apes. I wish God would lay off!
i'm creating so much waste my exclusively drinking beverages with screw top lids now. why must you test me lord
I went out of my way to hold the door for someone today and they didn't even acknowledge it. It enraged me.
it don't cost nothing to say thanks, guys.
infuriating! There's a social contract for a reason people!
This. Every. SINGLE. DAY
my internet is dogshit right now and i can't watch basketball. was going to post but it felt too petty.
the internet is so omnipresent and is all anyone cares about but yet can be so shitty. how is this not cable companies #1 priority
ever since i started law school i dont have time to cook full dinners at home and i dont like eating alone in restaurants
that stinks man! schools have so little regard for the human needs of their students
Bring a book! It makes eating alone so much better. Plus a break from what I imagine is a massive amount of school reading.
Funko Pop figs are the ugliest fucking things and they're all over my coworkers' desks and i want to burn them (the toys)
it's so frustrating to not get the appeal of a super popular trend. what do people see in these things?!
While the transit app said there'd be a bus in 2 minutes, I waited over 20 and still no bus.
that sucks! if you're not going to be accurate, don't get my hopes up! just tell me there's a delay!
Oh, it was raining, too.
my otherwise wonderful 13 year old golden retriever has the foulest gas this side of the Bog of Eternal Stench.
nooo the sweetest dogs have the raunchiest smells
all week I've woken up like, four minutes before my alarm is set to go off 😩
That's so agonizing - you feel like your brain is cheating you out of sleep!
This is a blessing! What I would give to wake up early AND not hear an alarm. My wife would be happier too!!
My local Safeway removed the self-checkout lines and refuse to properly staff the remaining lines
I get the employment angle and support it, but they gotta follow through! don't go half ass on an initiative!
it annoys the bejesus out of me that NBA teams are adding ads on jerseys next year - after they JUST signed a huge TV deal
cmon NBA. we're not soccer. We don't want to promote fuckin Exxon while throwing down tomahawk jams
that DOES suck
My neighbours have too many Amazon deliveries on weekdays when they know they won't be home so someone else has to sign.
ugh! you are not your neighbor's housekeeper, it shouldn't be on you!
yeah but it's neighborly to do so.
I feel this. I wk from home and am always signing for neighbour's packages. Sweet girl bt never says thank you!
wait, what the hell
I think Alan Alda is annoying.
when everyone else likes someone and you can't stand them it's like the loneliest feeling in the world
My seatbelt lost elasticity so now I shut the door on it every time and have to walk back to tuck it in. So annoying.
cars are meant to make things easier for us, not harder - enraging!
THE PITTS. I feel you on this
people are making fun of Andrew Cuomo's Spotify playlist but it's actually good
it sucks when unpopular people like good things and people assume the good things are tainted now.
one of the good DC taco places is gentrified now
the slow, creeping death of culture is an abomination and you are right to dislike it!
my phone's autocorrect always changes "you" to "Yuri." I don't even know anyone named Yuri.
Russian hacking is real! real annoying, that is
My keyboard used to turn "the" into "Rhett." I feel your pain.
Will it at least tell you if it's thinking of a Russian man or a Japanese woman?
Hm, good question. It also refuses to let me curse on the first try, so that seems a little more Japanese.
JB HiFi sold out of cheap copies of Odin Sphere PS4 before I could get them
I empathize but I don't understand most of these proper nouns!
still haven't toured Australia
wanderlust is an unscratchable itch for all but the richest!
My company moved into a new open office space, and now I hear people crunching all day.
the Open Office Plan - "we heard you wanted an up-close look at all your coworker's peccadilloes!"
my coworker is an insanely loud chewer. This week, she discovered crunchy wasabi peas.
Oh God. Keep her in the dark about SunChips for as long as possible
Sound advice.
For the second day in a row, there were no salt bagels when I went to the bagel store at lunch. Only sesame. #thehorror
Salt is a flavor. Sesame is an irritant. Huge difference!
John Wick 2 and LEGO Batman & MVC 3 PS4 aren't out in Australia yet
Dang it! Those are exciting! Quit being so selfish, America!
i have no idea why but i really hate the word "standpipe" and it's posted on, like, every fucking building in nyc
reminds me of Stephen King's "IT." I have no idea what it means but it's like central to the plot somehow - ugh!
I have had a minor cold for two months straight. Minor enough to go to work, big enough to always keep tissues in my sleeve
That's the summary of my life for the last 15 years. 😢
My wife and I get these too and they suck. Just make us sick enough to stay home or forget about it!
For two glorious weeks the vending machine had Ho Ho's, but now it's back to stupid chocolate donettes. CAN I LIVE!?!?
terrible! Snack preferences are deep-rooted and unfuckwithable
people who stop at the line in the left turn lane on a green light and don't turn on yellow put me in a stabby mood
the left turn light is such a small window of opportunity and people treat it so carelessly. smdh
I have celiac and someone accidentally fed me gluten. Now my tummy hurts.
the preponderance of people faking gluten sensitivities made it much harder on the people who actually need to avoid it! Damn!
Ok that's not minor!
it's what I had to complain about.
my hair never stays how i've combed it and falls in front of my face, so i end up fixated all day on whatever it's doing
it's like your own body is rebelling against you in the most irritating way!
My yoga teacher shows up 5 minutes late for class, cites traffic. And then keeps us over time. It feels disrespectful.
more than feels - it is! The schedule exists for a reason!
I have trouble deciding which type of whisky to drink at end of the day. Do I go with Scotch, Bourbon, or something else?
paralyzed by choice - an all-too-familiar pitfall! Go with your gut, I say!
Sound advice, my friend...I appreciate it!
mine: my bf said he was gonna pick up milk and asked if i needed anything and i said no, but now i wish i asked for coke
ugh this one is so real, he should just KNOW what you need
nooo! L'esprit d'escalier, but for beverages!
best response yet.
Or if lemonade, Lésprite déscalier.
If I were your boyfriend, I would have read your mind and bought the cocaine, even though it's illegal.
NYT crossword app ruined my attempt to get a solve streak by marking one of my correct letters as an error. Kills the joy!
terrible! you're blameless and helpless!
this should be illegal
I argued with someone online and they won't change their mind even though I was right and made good points
this is the most relatable thing I've ever read and I deeply feel you
The lid broke off of the cheese drawer in my fridge. Can you even replace a cheese drawer lid??
that's one of those things where the repairs are like, more expensive than the fridge. Aggravating!
Probably -- get the model number of your fridge and check out
Wow, thank you!
my fitness tracker tells me to stand up even tho I work at a stand up desk and I feel like I'm being unfairly judged
listen, gadget - I wanted a report, not a lecture!
my fitness tracker doesn't count my steps because I don't swing my arms whilst walking. It's a real butthole.
I like to keep my back door open but it's mosquito hawk season in New Orleans and they fly in and I kill them then feel bad
what a bummer! Nature is preventing you from enjoying nature!
John McCauley fronts my favorite band (deer tick) & I saw your tweet & got excited, then realized you werent him & got sad.
whoa neat! Sorry to disappoint, though!
I ended up really enjoying all the replies & responses, so I'm no longer disappointed. Thank you!
my 3 year old peed on me today. 😩😝
that's right at the age where you start thinking there might be malice behind those acts. yuck!
I did a secret cupid Valentine's Day gifting at work and my person got me Twizzlers even though I said I liked Red Vines.
ughhh when will ppl learn they're NOT THE SAME!
people who think bargain brand alternatives are just as good are welcome to their opinion, but don't foist it on others!
My cute nine year-old daughter wants me to play a board game with her and I AM DREADING IT & fee like a bad parent.
your daughter is undoubtably cute, but playing board games with a kid will make you put your head through a wall. Impossible
Played snakes and ladders with my 4 year old a while back. He broke down emotionally every time he hit a snake.
Poor baby. We played the Game of Life...she chose to skip college and squealed with delight when she had 4 kids 😳
there's on ramp construction on my commute, everyday I patiently wait in line and everyday some jerks merge into the front
I used to want to be a cop just to catch people riding the shoulder
the cold tap in my bath keeps crapping out so every time I want one I have to pull the panel off it and fiddle with pipes
when the knobs in your house can't be trusted, what can?
I have a splitting headache and I'm afraid it's the flu.
sorry to hear it! drink plenty of water and kick that fuckin illness out of your body! I believe in you!
some of the cabinets in my house don’t close completely so they’re always very slightly ajar
that kind of thing is visual nails on a chalkboard - so aggravating!
my ass is always sweaty
fellow swamp-asser here. I salute you comrade
I can't pet any of the dogs I see on my daily commute because they're all service dogs. Why torture me so
it doesn't help that service dogs are always ridiculously cute, either!
People who stand still on escalators. It's not a ride. If you keep walking, you go twice as fast.
i feel your pain! stand on the right, walk on the left, people!
I've gotten too good at hitting snooze on my phone alarm and it is no longer a useful wake-up aid
there is no motivator strong enough that human laziness can't overpower it - my condolences!
it drives me crazy that people will see commuters lining for a train but will say "I opt out of this social convention"
"the rules only apply to the peasants, and not me, the narrator of my life"
My mac and cheese was cold and congealed because I insist on multitasking when I should just sit the fuck down and eat.
i'm really fuckin tired this week & our doors in the apartment always catch on the carpets
what an easy mistake to avoid on the designer's part! How annoying!
Beshit is a perfectly cromulent word.
It's about 7 degrees celsius too warm at work today
that sounds awful! I'm assuming but i'm stupid about celsius conversions!
My tub is leaking into the apartment below. Until the super fixes it, I can't take a shower w/o guilt.
oh no! weighing hygiene against ethics is an awful problem to have!
falafel cart guy by my apt insists on giving me free falafel & its awk. now i have to walk 3 extra blocks to another cart
getting free stuff from a stranger can be so embarrassing and hard to address. I just want to do this transaction normally!
almost as annoying as the barber who thinks I'm waiting for him but I really like the other guy!!
the space I needed in the freezer the other day was taken up by a pair of my roommate's jeans
does your roommate like cold pants
it's allegedly how you "clean" them without washing, but a cold pants proclivity is the only logical conclusion
this seems very gross
you are winning this game
That's a new one.
your necessity is supplanted by another's luxury! Awful!
obvi the thing to do is print this article and put it on the fridge.
I hate feeling like I'm shouting into the wind - it's so lonely online sometimes!
got all dressed and ready to go to the gym for a 10-mile stationary bike workout. Left my earbuds at the office
oh damn that sucks so hard! stationary bike is so boring without music/podcasts/what have you!
someone stole my bank card info this morning, ordered $400 worth of shoes and ruined my mood for the day
That really sucks and I'm sorry! What an asshole!
it'll be alright, hopefully my bank give it all back to me sooner rather than later! this helped me feel a bit better 😊
FB friends keep posting articles with headlines that have at least one word in all-caps, and I'm losing my freaking mind.
the devaluation of urgency is such an annoying side-effect of clickbait journalism
I work from home and my neighbor's cat howls all day. I mean ALL DAY. So loud that noise canceling headphones won't cut it.
ugh! shut up Garfield, we get it!
someone who takes the same bus as me every morning has some really nasty gas; still haven't identified the perp.
phantom farters are brigands that should be exiled!
finally tired enough to sleep. Now I need to pee!
deciding whether to pee the bed is a harder choice than we'd like to admit
people email me that start "Hi Zach" even though the proper spelling is in the fucking email address you also just typed.
This is v. real. My name is juliA, not juliE.
Ugh, I get this all the time too. It's "Shannon" not "Sharon".
SAME! It's Linn. With an "i" not Lynn, Lynne, etc. Even people I know do it! 😡
I'M SARA WITHOUT AN H DAMMIT is how I always want to respond
that's like intentional ignorance - cmon man!
Yo, m3 t00 ("Zach" is someone I went to high school with and he was a dick) (this was 20 years ago, he's probably grown up)
I feel that, man. Two n's, constantly.
I get this all the time too but Anne instead of Ann. It would drive me nuts if I had any 😐
my neck hurts, but not enough for me to do anything about it, just enough to be bothersome.
damn - the microaggressions of the body are so annoying to deal with
I had to wait 25 minutes for a stupid freight train blocking the road yesterday. Also, I'm out of my favorite tea.
double trouble! the tea would be such a good way to unwind from the stress of the delay!
the power band on my bike peaks at ~120mph. Makes safely gaining speed above that tedious.
that sounds very frustrating and also like you must be in insanely good shape, so kudos and lamentations at once!
Someone let their dog poop 5' from the trash can with the free poop bags & didn't pick it up, their laziness confounds me?
Their dog is shitting directly on the social contract and neighborhood decorum!
Yesterday I saw someone pick up their dog's poop with a napkin (good) then toss it in the street 5ft from a trash can (very bad)
I buy milk and other perishable groceries just for me and it goes bad before I can use it up!
I always feel so wasteful throwing away food but they don't sell it in small enough quantities some times!
I ate too many chips before my burrito was ready and I got full
The Appetizer Gambit - a terrible price to pay
I have no chocolate and am having a serious craving. Life sucks
my third genie wish is a toss-up between ending infectious diseases and getting infinite M&Ms. I feel you
I have too many ideas to ever be able to bring all of them to fruition, and new ones tend to distract from current projects
The shiny, exciting quality of new ideas disguises their pernicious tendency to siphon energy away from the necessary middle slog
- I love this so much
Everything you've done today with this thread is just beautiful and I thank you from the depths of my heart for sharing it
one of my coworkers is a DREADFUL SEMICOLON MISUSER
someone breaking a rule they don't know about is so awful to behold: you can't intervene without seeming like a jerk!
you don’t see a lotta nice colon placement like that these days
I walk my dog, she pees three times, we get back in the house and she immediately shits on the rug
The dog has a Spot and that Spot is hard to clean, and that sucks, and I'm sorry
Try put a big bottled water on that spot (clear liquid). It freaks them out (worked on mine).
we have to watch our dog out the window to make sure she poops. when she sniffs around for 5 min i lose my ever loving mind
What could a dog be thinking about out there? When I have to poop I can't focus on anything else
seriously. it's infuriating. JUST TAKE A SHIT YOU MUTT. i do love her tho
Our dog spins in a circle until ready to go. If he pulls his head up, he won't go & I shake my fist at God.
yes, so much this. any little distraction throws mine off completely. starts the whole process over again.
I'm allergic to milk protein and everything coconut. Most milkfree products are made from coconut #thestruggleisreal
the nutritional equivalent of your second chute failing to deploy! my sympathies!
My lips are so dry, it hurts to smile, and no balm will soothe them.
A&D baby ointment!
if it's any consolation, there's a nice synergy between not being able to smile and not wanting to. Feel better!
people are bad at driving
simple, direct, 100% correct. salute
when I'm coding I lose track of time and always minutes late for meetings
"The Zone" is such a good place to be unless you have anywhere else to be - bummer dude
When I accidentally click 'create shortcut' instead of 'delete' and now I have two things to kill.
my dog barks at animals that appear on tv, a few days ago she started barking at babies on tv
your pooch is paranoid! I guess you could only watch sports games - then barking at the TV would make her fit right in
but she's so cute ☺
Unscrewed the bottom part of the bathroom faucet. Now I can't figure out what order the 6 little rings and whatnot go in.
It's amazing how many minuscule little doodads are, like, vitally important to the functionality of simple appliances. Ugh!
I dont do my homework during the day because I want to do other stuff but then at night Im too tired to want to do it
Homework is flagrant overreach on the part of the school system - I feel your pain!
Mechanic "fixed" my car, installed new front bumper that's sliiightly wrong sized; now squeaks & pops loose when I drive
I'm sure he'll be happy to replace it for another hefty fee! What a racket!
UPS lost 4 boxes' worth of my possessions and will so far only agree to compensate me $100/box bc value wasn't pre-declared
that "concession" is a slap in the face itself! They're willing to compensate but they're shafting you over a technicality!
my laundromat is three blocks away and I don't want to walk to it.
the new neighbor insists on parking in my (unassigned) space, forcing me to park one space over.
disrespecting the honor system is a surefire way to get St. Peter to slam the book closed at the gates of Heaven
I'd always considered myself quite rich in vocabulary until I saw your glorious use of beshitted. Dang!
I cannot thank you enough for introducing me to this excellent article.
if I don't wear clothes that show I'm pregnant, I can't get a seat on transit. If I do, strangers ask me the baby's name.
society considers pregnant women to be like museum statues: totally available for open discussion and criticism. I'm so sorry!
and strangers rubbing your bump. How the fuck do they think that's acceptable?
Travel for London issues 'Baby on board' badges/pins...seemed a bit over the top, til now!
I've been too busy to play board games lately.
one of life's little pleasures, denied by the capriciousness of a full schedule! Rats!
the street my parking garage opens onto is one way & I often have to go the opposite direction.
it's that kind of arbitrary bureaucratic claptrap that makes a man want to turn full small-government conservative!
I hate that I have to wait for the microwave to finish before I can sign into Netflix
what a bummer - what if you want popcorn during a binge?!
I like to take hot showers in the winter, which leads to dry skin and really itchy shins
Just when we think we have a hand up on nature, it exacts its cruel revenge. Dang!
this is very real. My shower head is super small so I have to make the shower really hot to not freeze
I ALSO HAVE THIS! do you think anti-histamines would make any difference?
One of my favorite tv shows fucked up my ship. I'm still so mad about fictional characters not being allowed happiness
what a bummer! Like a sandcastle swept away by a wave, this is the act of an uncaring universe!
It was a little colder than expected today & I left my hat at home. I wish I had remembered to wear it. My ears got chilly!
I always dress for yesterday's weather and end up regretting it. I can't kick the habit! Sorry about your ears!
only one good restaurant delivers to my apartment. It's tragic. I eat a lot of sushi
they've got a damn monopoly on your diet! We need some anti-trust laws to bust this racket up!
my son didn't get a white mystery Airhead in his Valentine's mailbox at school. I was looking forward to eating one.
as with so many things, relying on a little kid in the clutch can backfire. Bummer!
Waze just can't seem to get my ETA right, it's always like 4-6 minutes off.
Dang! And it makes you take unprotected left turns - adding to your commute time!
they need an update to make that something you can filter out.
socks keep getting stuck in my building's washing machine, so now I have a lot of single socks.
time for mismatch day
guy next to me on bus has terrible halitosis & wherever I turn, I still smell his breath. Don't want to be rude by moving.
People blocked the same intersection three lights in a row on my commute home tonight.
the USPS can't figure out how to forward my mail and a check went missing 😡
I haven't been able to get in my Wednesday run in a month 'cause of weather. Why only Wednesdays is the weather so bad?
my favorite place on seamless makes amazing onion rings, but when I get them delivered they are always soggy
My really close friend doesn't know the difference between your and you're. I've already told her once.
It's painful when you find out a friend has trouble with this.
It's nearly impossible to get the right amount of ice in a large drink at the drive-thru. Ice needs to last til the end!
the friggin college kids in this town that shuffle along the middle of the bike lane like a zombie missing a foot
I can't use the practise ice on Wednesdays till I pass my level 8 skate test so I'm stuck only skating on weekends :/
Oh, also: at a talk, this woman said she hates bad grammar, but then used "I" where "me" was correct.
no matches on Tinder.
ginger beer was a little flat and now my Dark and Stormy is sub-optimal
My husband never turns off lights when he leaves a room. Drives me crazy.
I cracked a tile in my kitchen a few years ago and every time I step on it it moves and reminds me that I broke it
This is awesome by the way
People who park on the street leaving golf cart-sized gaps in front and behind their car, basically taking up 2 spots.
This happens outside my house, so it sucks if I just got groceries & have to lug them from a spot way up the street (grr).
I HATE my internet provider and have NO choice due to my zip code. They're (Comcast) The WORST! But I feel so petty because
we're nearly down to the last (aka emergency) roll of toilet paper and it's only 1 ply but I don't want to go to the shop
My cat likes to sneak behind my pillows while I'm trying to sleep and chew my hair, making horrifying crunching noises.
dude in my writing class compares EVERY DAMN THING to an anime.
I hinted at my bf to get me a sushi bazooka for VDay but he didn't get the hint! I just want to stop spending so much $on 🍣
also I love my dog very, very much but his farts smell very, very bad
I have shelter & food & safe family, and a great husband and employment and disposable income (drinking tequila) but still!
I just left my keys on my desk after going down the elevator and out to the parking garage.
There's this awesome dude I'm just starting to date, and we're sad that we live in different cities, several hours apart.
also someone in Rhode Island stole my identity a few weeks ago lol
I am out of the house 13 hrs on Wednesdays & have to carry two massive bags to hold all my stuff. It's messing up my back.
I hate when people shorten my name to 'Neets' but sometimes they do it so good-naturedly I can't get mad at them
My postman gets pissy about snow on my sidewalk, walks through my yard even when it's plowed.
This dirty, broken-down VW van's been sitting in the best parking spot for over a year now. Has last Spring's pollen on it.
It's the really good parking spot that you can just pull into, it's right on the corner, & in front of my apt. Argh!
have 12 wikipedia tabs open, try to read article so i can close the tab, generate 2-3 more tabs by the end of the article
my Lyft line passed by without picking me up
trying to think of something but my depression makes everything feel so loaded. no response necessary. thx for listening.
i've got a little cold and so I really want to get some pho but there isn't a direct bus route to my favorite pho place
I just want people to put meaningful subjects in work emails. "Hello" doesn't tell me if I need to read now or can wait.
all of my schools softball uniforms are in boys sizes so they look like clown pants :-(
I feel like I don't know anymore what iTunes is going to do when I press the space bar
our downstairs neighbor slams his door every time he goes outside
i don't have anything to complain about in this thread, yet will probably think of 10 things later.
the ad wizards on the cutting edge of 2007
My kid is lazy and doesn't do his homework.
my floor at work is extremely quiet so I don't eat crunchy foods bc I feel self conscious but I love crunchy foods
My husband Jeff's refusal to acknowledge that Luscious Jackson is a good band
I have a good idea for a show about the CIA, but if I want to move forward with it I can't portray the CIA as evil
People keep insisting on playing loud music on the train with no headphones. Nobody else wants to hear that!
rewatching "Firefly" and the Mandarin cusswords are poorly pronounced, plus they never use the euphemism for "motherfucker"
why can't the bus every show up on time? I just wanna step into the cold a few minutes before it arrives. Too much to ask?
I started a new job at the end of last week and I'm tired and don't feel like doing my chores at home.
Real-time bus arrivals app has been off by 1 min almost everyday this week & I've had to walk an extra 4 blocks to metro.
Manspreading on the bus.
I can't drink like I used to because it interacts with my prescription meds.
I get an electrical shock from touching just about anything in this apartment. This happens multiple times a day.
I live in a college town, students use credit cards for every purchase, even $2. Convenience store lines take forever.
I'm hungry and am going to have to go out and get food because I have nothing good, but I'm also tired.
apparently Game of Thrones is not coming back until after April and it's really pissing me off.
the ice maker in my refrigerator makes keeps making too much ice and jams up.
my housemate refuses to wash her own dishes. I've always wanted to be a parent to a 23 year old..
when I use prescription strength antiperspirant my body works double time and I get prescription strength sweats
main branch of library is closing down for renovations; now I have to go elsewhere to pick out books for my son.
I need to bring the trash and recycling out, but its raining and cold, and I don't want to put on shoes.
I get home from work around 6. Traffic near my house is so bad between 5-7 that I have to wait until after 7 to go anywhere
I'm a Southern teacher. No snow days in sight. And here, it doesn't take that much snow, but a non-sick day off... #heaven
My cats drag me out of bed daily at 6am to be fed, then they wait until I'm in the kitchen before stealing my spot in bed.
My dog just won't leave me alone.
People park illegally as close to the gym at my complex as they can get. They're going to work out, but can't cross the st to the bldg.
My housemate's mom bought us a year's supply of toilet paper at Costco. Thin, single ply toilet paper. (Bless you btw)
my customer who never tips me and always leaves trash pushed this towards me and said "I could throw it away but.."
sewage pipe cracked & my crawlspace is actually beshitted.
the buses drive too fast on my street
I just got hot cocoa at a coffee shop. They gave me a mug of hot milk with chocolate on the side. I had to mix it myself.
I accidentally bought Italian parsley instead of cilantro and so my guacamole was sub-par.
group texts where 99% of the conversation is "thanks!" "Ok" "me too". Actually all group texts since they all end this way
I went to Target this morning with the gf to get deeply discounted V-Day candy. Only 30% off & my Starbucks Pike was burnt
Comcast took turner classic movies away from our cable and no streaming service offers the cinematic gold they show.
It's annoying when a store's computer is down + takes cash only. Then you have look for cash when no one does cash back.
We went on a trip over xmas. Somebody backed into our brand new car and didn't leave a note. Ate $1k damage. "Sorry" would have been nice.
this week I wore winter boots and my socks kept slipping halfway off my feet while wearing them 😮
My hair is only curly when I want it straight, and goes straight when I want curls.
People who refuse to shovel their sidewalks. We have 1' of snow and it's like every 30 yards I have to walk in the street.
I bought a beautiful white coat and just splashed nail polish on it.
I am thoroughly pissed @fallofasparrow 's character Jack Rackham didn't sink the Governor's ship instead of surrendering
it was pirate malpractice, he would owe millions of stolen dubloons to the estate of Edward Teach
I live in a 5th floor walk-up in and hate my laundry room which while onsite is a Saw film-like kill room 6 fooors down.
I ordered take out that I have to go pick up, but I'm already in my pajamas and really don't want to get changed
i've started getting really tired at work but coffee destroys my stomach and i don't know what to do.
Assuming green tea doesn't work & u can stomach taste, Mountain Dew is highly caffeinated & easiest cola on stomach.
sometimes when it's really cold outside I swear my dog takes longer to 'pick' her poop spot
Sometimes I lie on my side looking at my phone with one eye in the dark, and when I open my other eye it's way too bright
I went to my first class at @RidePeloton yesterday and they forgot to put a towel on my bike.
I watched ALL of The Young Pope and I STILL don't know what to make of it or if it was good!
Our Christmas tree is still up because my husband hasn't been in the mood to help me take it down. It's fucking February.
the fruit salad i buy every morning is never consistent - sometimes variety, other times all one fruit. Unpredictable.
my boss gives me no direction and constantly negs me in front of my coworkers
Not enough people use their turn signals when driving.
My new diet means less "me time" in the bathroom.
Pizza I had for dinner was 1 piece bigger than I needed, but 1 piece isn't enough to save. So I ate it & am now too full.
Why did Tim Burton change The "Jabberwock" from the L. Carroll poem, to The "Jabberwocky"? Awkward & not true to the poem.
The Chicago Manual of Style's insistence on switching like 3 tiny things between footnote and bibliography is infuriating.
That I didn't think of this before you did. You are brilliant, my friend. And you just got yourself another follower.
Ziploc-style packaging, when you rip it open both sides are equal height. Impossible to reopen. One side should be higher.
a man with a trumpet has declared the nearest street corner his turf and is laboring to destroy my sanity with jingles
At the gym a 10yo beat me to the leg press machine, which was going to be my last exercise of the evening.
A hawk ate one of my chickens and cane back for another. Barely chased it off in time. Can't blame the hawk, but damn.
sometimes I really miss Jiminy Glick.
my dog used to sleep until whenever i woke up (late). my bf started feeding him at 7am. now he wakes up 6:45 daily, yowling
my PS4 has an error where i can't download games directly from my library and have to look them up in the store again
The squirrels keep eating the bird food, no matter what fiendish preventative measures are in place.
my new years resolution was to eliminate plastic from my life and now i have to carry a cute bamboo cutlery set every where
calendar invites. I have my own scheduling system, don't force your system upon me.
I have to pee but I don't want to get up
I think I'm developing a slight red wine allergy; I won't stop drinking it so I'm often uncomfy when I try to be fancy.
If you have to change more than 2 things on a dish at a restaurant order something else motherfucker.
Our truck battery died & activated the stereo's anti-theft lock. We don't have the right code, so I drive it without music.
Two times ago, my kid puked in my bed. Last time, she puked in her bedx a loft bed. Not sure which is worse.
And why do I keep hitting the x key instead of the comma on this fucking phone? I miss my slide-out keyboard!
I think my kids are smarter than me but I can't let them know that.
getting off the subway and the people getting on stand right in front of the opening doors. dawgs I can't walk through you
for real though, rush hour rolls around and suddenly it’s everyone’s first time on public transit.
my roommate waits in front of the stove when I make tater tots so he can get some first
I made such a good looking turkey sandwich for lunch today & left it in the fridge. Ate some peanuts instead. Dammit
Made hard decision to leave a church, announced on FB (without details) got private msg saying post might hurt feelings.
my cat decided to stop snuggling w/ me when we're watching tv shows, she now runs around making noise until show is over
I've been waiting on the last bit of a Kickstarter project fulfillment for over a year and I know I'm SOL but, but...
I hate vegetables, but I've been eating so many carbs pooing hurts
the bus I'm on is crowded at the front and people aren't moving to the back to free up room for new passengers.
I'm traveling to a foreign country for work, and apparently my normal clothes are "too casual". Whole new wardrobe for 1wk.
I'm rapidly running out of places to put snow after 3 feet fell here in a week. Also, it's snowing. Again.
wish all toothpaste caps came in flip-tops. the ones you have to unscrew are sanitarily? hygienically hazardous.
I enjoy a whiskey & I also like to read a book before bed. Often I have one too many and then don't remember what I read 😕
I hate that cars stop for me while I wait to cross the road.
my kid was sick today and it was a moderate inconvenience.
stubbornly frizzy hair, cause unknown
My shoulder impingement syndrome flared up this week.
I hate it when the Ziploc filled with ice leaks on my neck
I felt like Dad of the Year for putting CAKE in my kids' lunches, until one of them complained about the KIND of cake.
my bangs are doing this weird curling thing and I can't get them to stop.
I have nothing to complain about and that bothers me.
I like to get up early but I also like staying up late.
i have to poo but i don't want to get up
I want to quit sugar but don't have the willpower
Applied for dream job after working CV & CL to death. Reqs listed had just that. Began app. & needed 3 writing samples.
This was an hour before the deadline. I applied anyway but I'm crying inside.
While I'm working away from family for 6 months, I want to get a hamster to keep me company and no one is excited for me.
I really need to pee but I have a @Handy cleaning my bathroom right now
people I have just met call me "Sam". My name is SAMUEL
My bike tire keeps popping, right at the valve. Have replaced 4x, checked rim, prayed, cried, glared at bike. Nothing works
Hate having to carry a wallet. Always in my way. I think it's giving me a bad spine when I forget to take it out when I sit
Silicon Valley has yet to invent dog food that makes dog poo smell good.
my wife would not get me gummy candy from the kitchen.
Twitter's threading system is horrible and I always reply to the wrong person
They have been renovating the cube farm that my desk is in for two months now and they're still not done.
Can't find authentic Mexican ice-cream tacos at local supermarkets here in Silicon Valley.
Also my dog keeps unplugging my phone charger
the gas station down the block keeps running out of Ruffles, so I have to get Cheetos instead.
a game I play placed a control button next to the android back button. Any given wheelie attempt might close the game...
my husband decided the plug to my electric kettle was a fire hazard. The stovetop kettle doesn't have auto shutoff.
the pool is closed for the 2nd time this week due to snow...swims cancelled.
the doors in my apt building are very heavy. People just let them slam shut and it's very noisy/startling at night
People stop walking when they get on escalators. Why?
I have a nasty cold. My husband cooked for me, the 1st time in ages. Made ravioli - he knows I don't like ravioli 😕
The War on Halloween in the United States.
Your request and kind answers are a gift to humanity. Thank you kind person!
my plants are all dying because there hasn't been enough sun lately
I sometimes think of very clever tweets and no one ever RTs them. That's why I post more on Facebook.
I think I've developed an egg allergy, but have too many other stomach problems to know for sure.
I'm exhausted by noon and yet as soon as I get in bed at the end of the day, I'm magically wide awake
my room is dirty but I'm too tired to tidy it up
I thought my cat was dying so I took her to the vet. $700 later they say she is healthy. I suspect mere constipation.
lunch at school is hell on earth for picky eaters like myself
I never know exactly how much to bug people about stuff they forgot they were supposed to do. Why can't they just do it?
I make lunches for my 3 kids every day. Frequently, I find full sacks, forgotten or uneaten. 🍎
People who start getting ON the elevator before letting you off.
My beard still itches since the last time you asked this! I need to make a change.
My 4th earbud doesn't stay in my ears well, so I'm considering ordering a new pair instead of searching for the old pairs.
When people begin business emails with "Hey."
practice bowling is supposed to start at 645, league at 7. We never start practice til ten after! 😡
People who sign emails with just "Best, Name". Best what?!?
I told my bf I didn't care about Valentine's Day, but then he didn't do anything and now I'm annoyed. I am the problem...
my roommate took out the trash, then put the can back under the sink but did not put in a new bag
all of my Safari bookmarks on my iPhone have disappeared and I can't figure out how to get them back.
I have so many! Where to start! 😂😂😂😂
the Whole Foods near me never has free samples!
I have two cats and I want another cat but people judge people with three cats
I want my kids to be able to eat (and love) peanut butter, like I did as a kid.
Master 7 is proposing a school where there are no kids that are allergic to Peanut Butter. (Unsure what to think about this.)
my cat likes to gnaw on roses.
today I got free lunch at work and the sandwich bread was soggy as all get out, totally fell apart when I picked it up
When I have to scroll through old episodes of @LastWeekTonight to find the new one. #ReverseChronological
I want a snack but I'm too comfortable to get up and go to the kitchen
the freezer will only dispense crushed ice, which is rubbish and doesn't chill my seltzer evenly.
I bought a groupon and the spa cashed it without my using it and I can't get my money back.
Go thru your credit card company & maybe also report fraud to groupon. Oy;spas are supposed to be relaxing!
sorry, I'm forking with the vibe but spa irony is too good to resist.
I spent 10 minutes doing a 30 second entry at work because remote desktop was being a bitch.
AND I can't bill for 10 min but the time has to go somewhere!
I really like the Surface Book that work gave me but the headphone jack is in a really inconvenient place.
I honestly can't wait until saying "Dope" and "Bae" are out of style.
I've concluded that the bed I bought 5 years ago is too uncomfortable and should be replaced but fear another $$$ error.
stand right, walk left! People don't get it. Every day at least one person stands left blocking an NY subway escalator!
I got a parking ticket for being 3 minutes late. THREE MINUTES!!!!
my room gets cold but then when I turn the heat on the lowest notch, it becomes stifling so it's never a good temperature
my downstairs neighbors have left the same empty box in the front hall for months and i just keep walking around it
I miss gift wrap - even crappy wrapping jobs - because so many people just use gift bags and tissue paper nowadays.
after NUMEROUS conversations in which I explain that I–a vegetarian–don't eat gelatin, my mom sent me Valentine's gummies.
every day, one of my coworkers uses nail clippers on both hands. i don't know how he has enough keratin to do this daily.
In the summer, the little sticky-outy thingy on my fence gate is too low for the latch; in the winter it's too damn high.
My lawn is overgrown but my lawnmower was stolen; too broke/lazy to replace it so I just feel shame every time I go outside
my cat gets litter everywhere. I would have to vacuum 10x less without him! But I do love him
also I always want to eat food as soon as I’m done cooking it but it’s too hot for my tongue!! Curses, biology. 😛
My drawer with different kind of socks is full to bursting. However I don't feel like adressing the issue at all.
I can't properly formulate English sounds (Im a spanish speaker studying to be a translator and Im in my first year)
My cat won't share "our" chair so I'm stuck on the stupid love seat.
all my apartment drawers and cupboards are handle-less. massive inconvenience that I can't fix.
a guy on tinder called me a "fineapple" and i never want to go outside again
When I moved into my apt I stupidly set up my bed and nightstand in a way that makes it hard to enjoy tea while reading !!!
When I take cash out of an ATM and it has to be in multiples of $20, why do I need to enter the cents? 2-0-0-0...why?
we really need to switch to the new X1 cable box but we keep putting too much stuff on our DVR to trade it yet
All my new jokes stink!
I put multiple e-books on hold thru the library and they all come in at once no matter how many people are ahead of me
I asked to switch desk-cubes to one that's been empty for over a year, and they said no which just seems petty to me.
I have a children's large bean bag chair, and it's really hard to comfortably eat dinner while I watch TV in it
just had a grumpy as hell day while surrounded by wonderful people. No time to grump.
its post inauguration and pre cherry blossom season, yet tourists are riding Metro, standing left on escalators.
My fitness tracker automatically (and incorrectly) counts steps when I'm riding an auto-rickshaw. We have bad roads.
found out that at some point when running water in the bathroom faucet it started leaking into the cabinet below it
My wallet is just slightly over stuffed and I don't know what I can get rid of
the guy at the 7-11 I go to every morning says hello really loud and it startles me every time
🛫 when visiting NYC I got addicted to Cherry Seltzer which I cannot get in Australia ..😐
all the TV networks' OTT apps play like 3 one-minute ads on endless repeat so if I binge watch anything it's maddening.
- I feel like I am the only person who hates the song "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina & the Waves
as a fan of the band (the soft boys) their guitarist came from, i loathe it
my cat now wakes me @ 4am bc she gets a treat 1st thing in the AM. she has 6 toes so it's like being hit w a catcher's mitt
I can't get my @Bitmoji to look like me
my republican half-brother blocked me on Facebook but still can DM me (and did) and I can't understand how that works.
sometimes on the train if my legs r crossed I'll move my foot to let sum1 walk by + they choose to stand where my foot was!
people standing right where the flow of foot traffic needs to go through, like doorways or the top of the escalator
when my bus tracking app doesn't work and I have to wait outside for 15min like some kind of heathen!!
i switched from google play to Apple Music and instantly regretted it.
also when a person replies to your email but only answers one of your questions, or spells ur name wrong. Pay attention!!
people who wear sandals or flops but don't pick up their feet so you hear the sandal smacking on the ground 😖
I can't stop reading this thread, when I should have gone to bed 30 minutes ago!
yogurt has gotten so expensive. I suspect the Greek yogurt craze was an excuse to jack up the price.
the grocery store stopped selling the vegan chocolate cake I love so much 😭
I want to share this thread with an actual person in real life but I'm too lazy to talk and explain it to others. 😳
People. Saying. I. Will. Change. My. Mind. About. Wanting. Kids. Can. Go. To. Hell. 🔥🔥🔥
A seven-ten split ... grrrrrr!
when the bus pulls up behind another bus so u walk over but then the other bus leaves so it pulls up + u have to walk back
my partner and I have very very different taste in movies 😱
- Sometimes when I eat a sandwich on toasted bread, it irritates the roof of my mouth.
I recently relocated to Australia so I have to wear sunscreen all day every day and I always feel greasy
my kid will not sleep nor will she stop kicking me in the face
there are no Uber Xs around Logan airport so my stupid ass had to take an Uber BLACK!!!
my wife and I are trying to get pregnant. The sex isn't even mildly interesting and I fantasize about playing Halo to cum.
also my wife is making me see Fifty Shades Darker Sunday and it has a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
just came out of a Louis CK show and Lyft surcharge was out of control so I’m waiting for a train home that may never come
boss won't give me more projects, but also won't give me an evaluation. So, I don't know how to improve/earn more projects!
it's 2017 and I work with someone who wears a pinky ring and a Bluetooth headset.
Adam Ant & Mickey Avalon are playing at the same time at Webster Hall text week & idk what to do? Do I buy tickets to both?
Exactly half of my nails have broken off and now I have to cut them all short!
I have a lot of games in my Steam library, but every time I want to play a game, I don't feel like playing any of them. :-(
Eternal dilemma: work out? Or nap? Why must I choose?
Your retweets are clogging up my feed
writing a essay, thinking of a phrase that I will write down later, writing it down while I'm thinking it, erasing it.
I have a scratch on the inside of my right ankle and I can't get comfortable in bed because of it. OUCH!
was going for a perfect "activity" month but I missed my Apple Watch active calorie goal by 20 calories yesterday. 😑
email replies that just say "thanks"
people who panic that you didn’t get/read their email because you didn’t reply “thanks”
I don't know how to deal with being a teenage Muslim, pro-choice female under this POTUS. I feel my values are under attack
It makes me happy when other people use "they" for me but when I try to refer to myself that way my inner editor cries
I have to pee but don't want to get out of bed.
I lost a library book from the school and had to pay $125 for it.
hasn't commissioned any Artworks from me yet.
I am on my third head cold of 2017, and that just seems like an unreasonable amount of colds to have in 2 months
I called Costco & they said they had my contacts in stock. I rushed there after work, & they didn’t. Parking was $6.
I scraped my hand on the end table reaching for a drink, and now I'm sure I hav MRSA
I'm a night owl by nature & my 1 y/o wakes up at 5 am every day wanting to play & eat & stuff, leaving me to hate my life
Pokemon Shuffle released new stages, an escalation, a safari, and a competition all at once, most of it for a limited time!
underwire pokes out on my favorite bra. Tag is faded, so brand is unknown. So I just keep wearing it. It really hurts.
I like soccer. I try to play soccer. But I suck at soccer. Everyone else on the adult coed rec team is good.
both my chapsticks are out and no where on the island of Puerto Rico do they sell my favorite brands
Asked a busy friend for some time over A MONTH AGO. Still hasn't responded. Doubt he remembers. Want to stab him. *sigh*
sometimes I'm not sure if I should play my synthesizer or lap steel guitar. if don't choose quickly I am distracted
People pronounce my name Sh-AY-na instead of Sh-AN-na. I mean, my name has the name "Hanna" in it, how hard can it be? 🙄
I've been on a few dates with a nice guy who likes me but I just don't think I'm in the mood to date anyone rn, ya know?
too much cream in my cream puff today
the honey crisp apples I buy at Trader Joe's are too big for my apple slicer so I have to use a knife, which takes longer.
a suicide squad sequel is being made.
sometimes i have to make my📱forget the subway wifi network & reconnect in the station & then articles can't load in time
this year I won't be able to go to Hawaii for the 8th time bc my grandma won't be at her house there during my spring break
Me & my kitty, Sauron, moved in with 2 other cats (Sweatpants & Corndog) over 2 yrs ago and they still aren't nice to her.
when you get tacos and they're hella good but just a tiny bit too spicy to properly enjoy
I no longer feel comfortable in my best friend's home since his sister broke my heart
the girl across from me at dirty bingo won TWO dildos and I won nothing.
i try to go to the bathroom when I need to fart at work but walking there suppresses the need to fart until I sit back down
also last week my bf said he could murder me "so easily" lol.
"beshitted world".... word perfection.
60, disability below poverty. survive 6 tumors! 1 brain tumor & cranio. 3 out, 3 inoperable. I hv beg4food & seizure meds
my radiator sounds like a protracted scream
banned my account while i was sic ,for doing what the told me .. never ask for a refund just unbroken item
The Canadian Armed Forces and their defective justice system.
my SO is anti-3way, &won't let me have unprotected sex w/random ppl w/out crying abt it & getting all offended. So selfish
I had to reset my phone and now all the apps are in the wrong place and I don't know where to begin.
I have trouble accepting the way other people load dishwasher machines
I am on crutches while recovering from hip surgery 2 wks ago. More ppl than not are rude clods not yielding to me. Sucks.
I hate finishing the last bit of shampoo in the bottle. Skeeves me out completely.
You want some help?
I felt a little let down that Pikes Peak doesn't have a peak at all. Then I felt guilty for judging a mountain.
ppl who sit beside me on the train unready for the day and put make up on or shave, once a lady plugged her hairdryer in😕
People who walk slow but don't stick to the side of the road to let fast walkers get pass them : (
I got my ear pierced and felt smug about how well it was healing and now it's swollen 😞
I was hungry but all I had was a box of uncooked stuffing. I was to lazy to make it so I just ate it from the box.
My dog curls up on my pillow and licks her butt. When I go to move her she growls and bites me.
I use special charcoal pencils for portraits. They're soft & get dull fast. Cannot sharpen tips w/o them breaking. Argh!!
I bought a new shower head and the radius of water is a bit narrower which I don't really like
my hacking cough woke me at 3am. It is now 7:30 and I haven't been back to sleep. It's going to be a long day
My cat will not cuddle with me. I feed him, clean up his litter box, play string with him & I get no love in return.
why does my beanie hat insist on working its way up my head so that after 10 mins i have cold ears & a big floppy crown?!
I can't look at Twitter or Facebook for any amount of time anymore w/o getting a headache. White background is killing me!
i happen to regularly sit next to people who fart on the train. Sealed train.
this thread should be read by Louis CK. plenty of material 😂
My neighbors guests buzz my apartment instead of theirs because they're too stupid to find the right doorbell!
I haaaaaaaaate doing the dishes.
I've fixed my damn toilet four times already! But I still have to jiggle the handle to make it stop running after a flush
I've had a really bad cold for two and a half weeks and I feel just awful.
words cannot describe when a supervisor stands behind me, pretending NOT to look over my shoulder at my work. I GOT IT!
there are 2 staircases at Great Portland St tube station. Both lead to the same place; one is for going up, the other down>
despite clear signage there are always about 20% of people using the wrong staircase at rush hour.
when that person stops ON the crosswalk because they just HAVE TO TAILGATE the car ahead of them that isn't going anywhere!
I accidentally alt-tabbed away from the internet when someone walked up to my desk to a picture of a ham I had open.
- the out of date astronomy year books I have listed on eBay only get bids of £0.01 . They are in good condition.
Inability of hotels to stand by their pledge to not change your towels when you leave them hanging up - today's experiment
Bloody popcorn in bloody cinemas!
I'd vote for any politician who promised tough action against people who put their bags on seats on packed trains.
The Twitter app won't let you add more than 1 photo in a reply to a tweet.
I'm stripping wallpaper and have removed all the loose bits already so it's not fun anymore.
my kids don't want to play Xbox with me anymore cause I keep on winning
I dislike tea but English people seem genetically programmed to be incapable of accepting this is a thing
how odd. With your heritage you should love it surely?
the cheese & ham toastie I got for breakfast (primarily because I forgot to eat dinner last night) is too dry 😔
2-part grievance, sorry: I don’t need to buy a new phone. The one I have may be 4 years old but it’s perfectly adequate 1/2
Everything about my phone is shit. 2/2
My roommate is driving me nuts.
Feminism Illegal immigration And the cunts that try to Defend them by generalizing All white people as racist
I am in Norfolk England for a cottage break. Free wine, biscuits, butter, bagels. But no sugar for my English cup of tea! 😳
My autocorrect changes my (female) boss's name to 'Gavin' every time. I don't know anyone called Gavin.
my manager has the only desk with a window but keeps the blinds shut all the time. Rest of us are in strip light hell
1st time home alone for a week without kids, AND not working in over 20 years. Big, fun plans. Flu. Nil plans.
My son wants me to go on slides with him but he races down so fast, I end up looking like a lonely adult on a child's slide
my neighbor is a terrible cook and I can smell what she's cooking/ruining most evenings from my living room
The store I work at sells every variety of Perfect Bar snack bars except the vegan ones I can eat... 😫
My predictive text thinks I use the expression "ask well" when I'm typing "all well" and "ah, week" when I want "ah, well."
There are no soupspoons in Sweden. Not anywhere! I've checked almost every shop in Stockholm. #SwedishSoupStruggle
People who drop litter in our road because they can't be bother to carry it a further 50ft to a bin.
Is hanging too extreme for them?
my mentally unstable sister, after having not spoken to me for months, mailed me a sextoy. Not sure how to or if I respond.
My kitchen floor near the stove is wicked squeaky. It’s torturous.
I need to work on my dissertation, I love working on it, but I feel too tired for that, thus I can't and it drives me crazy
I can't seem to find the shoe polish I want
my wheelie bins keep getting stolen, now have video surveillance on them!
I live in Indonesia now, and sometimes I think of a great tweet at like...3pm...but no one would be awake to read it....
cannot stand when your in the left lane and the person in front of you is going too slow and should be in the right lane
I'm still pissed off at seeing clueless unemployed stoners win the hearts of the likable pretty girls in this town.
the gas station , where I stop to grab a cup of joe, always stocks the lids so full I can't get one out! #easy #comeon #doh
people leaving their engine running while parked or at a level crossing. WHY?! WHY?! WHHHY?! waste of petrol AND it polutes
is it too late? I don't like when old people cut in line and get pissy when called on it. I wanna sandwich too, Grandpa.
Someone in my office chews w/ their mouth open making sounds that the word bestial does no justice!
you are awesome. Thanks
My stupid radio keeps dishing out fake news 😀
people who say absolute instead of absolutely. That would be a hanging offence in Rob's Britain.