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If you want a fully immersive "postmodern design hellscape" themed dining experience I highly recommend dinner at The Cheesecake Factory
from a design perspective that place is fuckin wild and I'll talk a little bit about why
722 replies and sub-replies as of Nov 17 2017
The Cheesecake Factory essentially grew out of a Los Angeles bakery business. Then, in 1992, they brought on hospitality designer Rick McCormack and shit went off the rails
We're talking VICTORIAN-EGYPTIAN-ROCOCO OFF THE RAILS
I mean check out this exterior
greco-roman cornices, seashells above the pseudo-arched doors, topped with a dome airlifted from fucking st. basil's
The interior is a world of aesthetic chaos that feels like a mix between a Fry's Electronics, an overgrown Panera, and a laser tag arena. It's /sensational/.
Palm trees sit aside 2000's-chic glass lighting fixtures, French limestone floors, mosaics, fresco-like murals...
Pseudo-Egyptian faces top columns with hybrid palm frond/lotus blossom designs and pseudo-heiroglyphics. It's unchecked white exoticism/orientalism run amok w a huge budget. Some elements like the face's "third eye" and the Sauron-like sconces borderline on occult flavor.
TCF blasts you w/ a "luxury dining" aesthetic while cutting some /bizarre/ corners.
They serve you water in tankards, seat you in wicker chairs at marble tabletops.
Then you realize your tankards are plastic, your wicker is plastic, and your table is vinyl-lined particle board.
Both ostentatiously gaudy and consistently cheap, from the fake plaster walls to the fake wicker chairs, TCF is almost reminiscent of a theme park. The more you stare at this and see elements like the tacky booth cushions and glass dividers slowly emerge, the more surreal it gets
The unchecked frenetic design doesn't stop there. Look at the goddamn menu.
Or should I say FOUR MENUS - menu, "skinnylicious", drinks, cheesecakes (not desserts, that's different!)
It is the most intentionally obtuse culinary document I've ever seen. It wants to DISORIENT YOU
-"Quick Bites"
-Appetizers
-Glamburgers
-Specialties
-Pasta
-Sandwiches
-Steaks/Chops/Fish/Seafood
-Pizza
-"Super Foods"
-"Skinnylicious" (???)
are all separate sections. there is no rhyme or reason to them. this menu is not your friend. it is actively trying to mislead you.
mid-menu advertisements for the RESTAURANT YOU HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN TO DINE AT are frequent and deliberately make you lose track of your spot
here's one, w/ an entire page of flavor text
this thing feels like a god damn playbill. all the tcf's a stage, and we are but its players
after wandering the menu a while, helplessly, you order and the food arrives. it's good. not bad, not great, but good. better than an applebee's, better than a friday's. i wanted to say i hated it, but in truth, i couldn't. that was probably the most disappointing part of all.
And then, at the end of it all, in a cold lonely counter cooler, the cheesecake.
my location placed it near the lobby/exit, far from the dining area. alone.
The namesake dish feels utterly inconsequential by the time you reach it.
Perhaps it meant something once.
To conclude:
There is nothing more quintessentially "American capitalism" in flavor than The Cheesecake Factory
Wealth run wild. Chaotic visual fantasies realized w no aesthetic discipline. An obsession with appearance of luxury. Gross excess that excels at feigning its quality
It feels like a relic of another era, one where such a vision was sold to the American public as a utopian concept. It, like the brief period of neoliberalistic prosperity that made it possible, is a fever dream made manifest. Enjoy it while you can.
wow uh
this blew up huh
while you're here check out my new video game coming out on monday
i hope that it surpasses even my most creatively perfect work: the time I went ham on The Cheesecake Factory at midnight on a Thursday
CROSSNIQ - Launch Trailer
ＦＲＥＥ ＯＮ ＩＴＣＨ．ＩＯ － １１／２０／２０１７https://maxkrieger.itch.io/CROSSNIQ Ｔｗｉｔｔｅｒ － https://www.twitter.com/CROSSNIQ Ｆａｃｅｂｏｏｋ －https://www.facebook.com/CROSSNIQ/ Ｉｎｓｔａ...
youtube.com
ALSO! If you're interested in reading more about the actual design history of The Cheesecake Factory, this article does a far better job than I did at breaking it down!
Cheesecake Factory Interiors Are Weird and Wonderful, All Thanks to This Designer
How Egyptian columns, wood paneling, and palm trees came to be part of the casual chain
eater.com
No, no. You did exceptionally well!! On point; entertaining AF & makes you think! 👏
This whole thread is brilliant.
It’s almost as if the same design thought process went into designing all of Trumps... everything
No - seriously - I’m not kidding. Trumps house literally looks like a Cheesecake Factory
I think his house channels Versailles more (ceiling paintings, lots of gold & chandeliers, etc.) — trying v hard to look ‘old wealth,’ but coming off nouveau riche because old wealth doesn’t show off that much, normally.
thank you for proving I was NOT having an exhaustion-induced psychotic break when friends took me to one the last day of SDCC
I'm sure Bistromathics has something to do with this...
I get triggered every time I see Cheesecake Factory because I worked there in my early 20s and can't remove their menu from my brain
What the hell was that menu, man?
It's like, before you work you have 2 weeks of indoctrination, you get everything crammed into your head. Went a few weeks ago with my wife and realized I've retained everything
Haha. Well, they don't change the decor, so why would they change the menu?
I hate threaded discussions but holy hell balls this is fucking hilarious. Well played.
Thank you! I’ve never studied design but I’ve consistently talked shit about it every time I’m there lol
The interior design of Cheesecake Factory feels like they got a badly trained neural network to be an architect and I love it
i wOORK THERE AND I CAN CONFIRM. ALL OF TIHS
h-hold on... What's the location of this TCF?? I've only been to one once as a kid, and it was on some day trip to the US...even though my memory isn't that good , I'm CONVINCED it was this one, the one you posted pictures of o<-<
Also...the cheesecake sucks. Srry not srry 🤷
Love the thread, wondered if you'd read this newyorker.com/magazine/2012/…? An interesting look at another aspect of TCF
What Big Medicine Can Learn from the Cheesecake Factory
Restaurant chains have managed to combine quality control, cost control, and innovation. Can health care?
newyorker.com
Your wonderful description suffices for meI will continue to avoid the place
is this coming to mobile because frick yes
stay tuned!
YES UGH YES.
game looks neat! steam?
itch.io!
ok now do any newsstand magazine like @people or @Cosmopolitan
This music bumps! Is this the music for the game?
It is! Brought to your ears by @ViRiX_Dreamcore
I almost went to a Cheesecake Factory tonight because of this thread, but the rest of my brain turned back on just in time. I'm definitely checking out your game on Monday, "the game by that Cheesecake Factory guy."
The music is dope. It looks very addictive. iOS app, stat. #JungleHaiku
Thanks for a great read - it’s as if Hunter S Thompson was let loose in The Cheesecake Factory
I guess ill be the first to admit it.
Some of them words really had me paused
The universe has strange obsessions
This looks really cool! Like a more intense Tetris.
your description would fit perfectly into a 70's era speculative fiction novel approximating what dining in the 2000's would be...and damned if they weren't right on. creepy.
What do you do?
I am an interior design critic and Unity developer.
Good luck with both.
You’re just another Cheesecake Factory with this ad
No one man should have all this power(ful emotions about The Cheesecake Factory).
Bless your heart, you gentle king
I went to Marie Callenders on Wilshire tonight. They mistakenly told me pie came with the meal, but i didn't want it. they gave me Key lime pie to go. I gave it to a homeless person. I felt better about myself for 10 seconds.
fwiw if you ever ask a cheesecake factory waiter if their cheesecake is frozen, they're instructed to tell you it's "deeply chilled"
this thread is exactly why I come to twitter.
We visit TCF as a secret gulity pleasure, we never tell anyone that we actually go there. We stop short of donning trench coats and huge sunglasses. TCF is that guy you know you should not date, but you end up doing the walk of shame out of his place anyway.
I'm going to have my children study this exposition in lieu of their homework during Thanksgiving break. There are so many important lessons. Common core be damned. Thank you.
Welp, you've gained yourself a follower in me. I can't stop laughing. Just at at one this past weekend. It's ridiculous.
Bravo!
I imagine Johnathan Meades reciting this thread and it makes me giddy.
Here's his takedown of nazi architecture
Jonathan Meades Jerry Building Unholy Relics of Nazi Germany (Complete)
Documentary by Jonathan Meades about Nazi Architecture and how architecture can support political regimes. http://www.mediafire.com/?x6ee69qpl4lovhf
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"...and interspersed amongst them were swaying palms, hissing fountains, grotesque statuary, in short all the paraphernalia common to all Restaurants where little expense has been spared to give the impression that no expense has been spared." Douglas Adams
Truer words n'ere ever been spoken.
Well, it's a thread that makes me hungry, but also engages my mind. So.
deservedly so. class!
ahhhh, the 90's.
The Trump of restaurants. @timhwang - you would enjoy this thread.
David Foster Wallace would be proud. Magnificent work.
This is compounded even further by knowing what happens in the kitchens and learning about the precision and soul-crushing/body-destroying labor that goes into creating such utter mediocrity
There's a Cheesecake Factory at Shanghai Disney. Food is healthier and decor more tasteful. China beating us at our own game
This is great! I remember that little bakery in LA. Great cheesecake, but I can’t eat at the restaurant. Environment kills my appetite. 🤢
I get the feeling this belongs in a time vault
I would give anything to be having dinner there tonight. I love that place more than a baby loves its mother's arms.
Aka, the 90’s.
... we should partake in March 😂😂
i have never had a desire to go to cheesecake factory before, but congratulations, now i have.
You and McMansion Hell on Tumblr would get along so wonderfully
Funnily enough, there's a Cheesecake Factory in Australia, too. It's a chain of cake shops. Some might serve coffee. Almost none have seating. I wonder if the US ones started the same?
I would not be surprised to find that TCF is an exact replica of Christian heaven.
The one near me has valet parking. It is in a mall, so that means they’re taking your car from you at the near end of the mall parking lot and driving it… to a cordoned off area at the far end of the lot.
So basically Cheesecake Factory = Donald Trump?
Aah, this thread. If you don’t live in the US and/or are not American, the Cheesecake Factory seems like the quintessential example of US capitalism meets culture and society.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 how I️ feel
As a former employee I loved reading this! It’s like every thought I had in the two years I worked there.
I mean, this sounds like most video games...
Max. This thread is so well done.
Also my folks live very close to a Cheesecake Factory. They love it. They fucking ADORE it. Every time I'm at their house there's a leftovers bag from TCF in their fridge.
I hate eating there. I expect to see a white guy dressed as a pharaoh
Sounds familiar... @mcmansionhell
This was a fantastic thread. 100% agree. That place freaks me out. although the food is fine, I feel like I’m participating in the fall of America.
Dropping in just this quote, I swore you were talking about Trump
Visions of his gold-encrusted Trump Tower home - that paragon of good taste. Same here!!
This tweet is beautiful
Couldn’t you make this argument, on some level, about a slew of sit-down chain restaurants?
My face hurts from laughing so hard. You don't even know. I'm an interior designer and a legit vegetarian. This place has always given me heart palpitations on so many levels.
this is maybe my favorite design thread of all time. please do a collab with @99piorg @romanmars @samlistens this is mcmansions on a whole new plane, a corporeal, corporate beast
So, one could say in the style of Trump properties but cheaper?
I was not mentally prepared for this analysis.
i think it’s extremely telling that one of the PRIMARY “Steps of Service” they teach new employees is the “To-Go/Wrapping” station, bc the portions are so grossly ridiculous that EVERYONE waves the white flag. #latestagecapitalism
other Cheesecake ephemera:
-i once saw an 85-lb Asian girl go thru *2 entire bottles* of Heinz 57 for a single order of chicken fingers & fries
-the food makes me sick 80% of the time
-they almost killed @xxxescortamber w/their UNMENTIONED PESTO & for that i’ll NEVER FORGIVE THEM
Capitalizzle makes me wanna go Full Posadist
hahaha oh man
To conclude:
There is nothing more quintessentially "American capitalism" in flavor than The Cheesecake Factory
Wealth run wild. Chaotic visual fantasies realized w no aesthetic discipline. An obsession with appearance of luxury. Gross excess that excels at feigning its quality
Surprised you didn’t mention Las Vegas. TCF is a little piece of the Strip, wherever you go
Hang on - why are there THREE figures after the decimal point in the prices? Do some things cost a tenth of a cent?
A kid without a tenth of a cent can grow up to be president. (Yep still works).
One of my (many) complaints about modern dinning is the noise level. There is NO effort to control or limit noise. High ceiling, hard surfaces, no dividers....
Spent over $100 at Olive Garden the other day and could not even talk to my date.
U single?
Children, what is this mess
(No comment)
I think your second paragraph here describes our current President perfectly.
So..... Trump?
How miserable must a human be to complain about the Cheesecake Factory lol
It’s the Gilded Age of restaurants
So thaaat’s where Trump got Mar-a-Lago’s design inspo from
(No comment)
So Trump physically embodied as restaurant
Trump l'oeil.
I read this entire thread and now I begrudgingly want to go back to TCF just to relive the bizarre aesthetic fever dream.
this was a wild ride from the start to the finish
also incredibly hilarious to me, as my dad worked on the cheesecake factory franchise in it's early days (redondo beach and marina del ray in the late 80's and early 90's) and I wonder how much of this mess he's responsible for
I've never been sadder for a cheescake in my l i f e
Oh, the cheesecake counter is very strategically placed. It's there to tempt people waiting for a table while also offering those exiting a chance to take dessert home. Source? I'm a former Cheesecake Factory server.
This was the best because it was that sad refrigerator case that makes me think of cheesecake as a lazy, default dessert for restaurants. (Btw, make minicheesecakes in muffin tins/liners, drop mini-cookies in instead of crust, great bake sale idea.)
I can’t let you disrespect the cake my guy I’m sorry
I think people go there because the food is great. What's the name of your restaurant chain?
Ah, the pathos.
Can one assume the cheesecake is plastic too?
This is the most magical thread and spot on. The cooler counter is totally a classic Americana Diner move. Most old school diners will have a dessert cooler just like that.
Well I think the lobby location is so you have to look at it while waiting at the hostess stand. The rest of the post is so true 😂😂😂
I goddamn love/hate Cheesecake Factory
I can’t stand TCF’s food!
Wow fuck this sentiment
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Get thee to a BJ's. the menu has page numbers. It is 26 pages, the length of a short story.
What kind of fancy ass factory of cheesed cake are you at you only have INTERNAL ads every other page? Bc all the ones I've been to have ads for things nearby too.
Navigating the menu is like trying to navigate a site where you know half the links are just ads but by god there's that one bit if content you wanted!!!
I’m not sure if they still do it, but at one time they also featured mid-menu ads for other businesses (this location is outside a mall). Like, decide on lunch and then discusss Build A Bear’s craftsmanship.
Not the secret sauce!!!!!
I bet tinsel is a topping on that 😱
I really wanna know what the 'Factory Burger' is? Does it taste like hairnet, sawdust and union-busting?
this feed is hilarious... come get ya mans
only 14 bucks for Kobe beef is HIGHLY SUSPECT
1/ is it a ® next to “glamburger”?
2/ capitalisation omg
It’s a shame you didn’t get a menu that has the calorie listings.
this thread made me think of you.
glamburgers(tm)
THE FUG IS A GLAMBURGER
I ate at Cheesecake Factory exactly once and the menu confused me so much that I just ordered fries (which were, in their defense, very good)
and none of it’s vegan so I’ve never been 😂🙌
I can’t imagine being a server here and trying to memorize all of this/every single ingredient and preparation.
dang take me back
That's how I ended up with a cowburger and not a veggie burger.
there are a frankly unconscionable number of items on the menu too, like. so many sections and so many things. it's. a challenge. i hate it
Caramel chicken.
A Vietnamese dish. It’s actually really good. Not caramel like you’re probably thinking.
Age 16, visited TCF at the Venetian in Las Vegas. It was all this but on a second floor balcony. Incredibly disorienting. Never went again.
Can we talk about why tf the menu prices have three places after the decimal? I thought you were in a foreign country or something.
I’m confused by the prices. Why are they written like “4.500” Which country is this?
whoops, think I picked up a non-US menu in my attempt to find images for this! I'm not quite sure, myself...
Must be somewhere in Europe. Those fools should never have let this kind of American monstrosity happen in their countries
Has to be from Middle East because pork bacon is switched to beef bacon.
14 specialities. A record?
Umberto Eco - Travels in Hyperreality
Long Island Iced Teat? They serve it in a tit?
But what are these numbers? Why are there four digits? Are these astronomical calorie counts? Do they price products at increments of one tenth of a penny? Is a meatloaf sandwich $4,500? I have so many questions.
Also the fonts are insane. Way too busy.
The Happy Hour card has 6 fucking Fonts/Styles in 7 sizes.
This isn't just too busy this is madness.
I feel like they're trying to burn a very large TCF colored brand on my brain 😆 it's weird and sorta hypnotizing.
I once asked them if they had the audio book bc ain't nobody got time for that.
Why are the prices to three decimal places?!
I can’t past the fact that the prices are down to the $0.001. Or is that the calorie count?
You make it sound like it would belong in Hearst Castle if it wasn't so cheap (myopic?)
Fantastic thread. I literally live across the street from one of these nightmares. People come to visit, see the sign and immediately suggest eating there. And I say over my dead body.
Baudrillard's favorite restaurant.
This is extremely Vegas strip
ha! before i got to this tweet i was thinking “it’s like a disney ride. in Epcot. ‘mid-America’”
The eye of Mordor.
Really, remarkable
I see an orb 😂😂
it's like a bad casino
oh no, now I'm angry
what's the bread made out of though
Well that's the way the Trump family would design it.
So trump-chic.
You forgot that they ALWAYS make you wait for a table even at 2:30pm on a Wednesday. Options are loiter in their always badly laid out lobby that's also somehow a busy hallway for severs also or "would you like to wait in the bar? We can page you."
I don’t think anyone would legit think that was luxury dining .. except perhaps @realDonaldTrump
But that bread, though (specially good with ranch sauce).😍
I remember the Eye of Sauron fixtures from the time I went a year or two ago. I didn't know they were in all of them, haha.
WHOA, I just went to this restaurant for the second or third time in my life the other day and my friend and I def talked about the eye of Sauron thingies.
Oh my god the eye of Sauron made me laugh so hard I snorted! Hahaha.
Or a really angry vagina.
I KNEW it wasn’t just me who saw the Eye.
I wonder if this is what the Rosicrucian Museum in San Jose looks like
I've been in a Cheesecake Factory once, in Vegas. I don't imagine this is somehow the same one, but I'll be damned if it doesn't look /identical/. At the time I thought that interior was somehow a organically created oddity, but it blows my mind to see that it's reproducible.
clearly this gentleman has never had the pineapple upside down cheesecake.
The entire thread brought me such unspeakable joy
it was a great rant.
This is why I’ve always had a problem with Penny working at TCF on Big Bang Theory. The restaurant set is too dull and quiet to be TCF.
*projectile vomits from both eyeholes*
Lurked this thread specifically for the mention of Sauron’s Eye because holy shit I think of that every time I see it.
See I told you the Cheesecake Factory lights looked like the Eye of Sauron!! hahaha
...and the parallels between the interior design and the menu - both a random collection of 'luxurious' with no logic. Incongruous.
Oh man have you ever had their avocado egg rolls??
Stefan, is that you??
Look--the old school zoned different themed Fry's electronics WISH. New ones just have a half hearted 3D wall mural or two. (See: lazily and nominally ye olde train themed one in Roseville, CA).
Apparently the one I'm thinking of in Sacramento was actually original an Incredible Universe which Fry's bought and what WAS the 80s that it could sustain many local giant gaudily themed electronic warehouse chains?
I just spit out my food in laughter
😅 You had me at “overgrown Panera”!
Wait shit is that Legacy
good eye!
I worked for DMF for 4 years, I was in Legacy Village for far more time than I ever would have wanted to be otherwise. That yuppie hellscape will forever be burned into my mind’s eye.
I think the biggest sin is that the cornice around the dome is Roman but around the front above the logo it almost appears Egyptian! They can’t even keep a uniform style across their cornices
I’d understand if it was a first century Egyptian style but it looks like they took them straight off a pyramid
this seemed right up your alley
Louisville KY one?
Ha! Is that the one at Old Orchard Mall? (I see IL plates)
If you asked me what year was the cheesecake factory designed I'd say 1992. Even if it was later, the whole aesthetic is extremely 1992.
this might be the best tweet of all time.
literally us everytime we go. We're always so confused by it.
Gd this is golden. Please review more stuff ily
This whole thread's description reminds me of America's first world fair.
Have you been to the Hancock Center CF in Chicago? Have you ever seen Society? There's some shunting going down on the ceiling.
John Hancock cheesy f is my childhood gold standard for immersive, otherworldly experiences not involving rides. Like if my parents had to pay for my parmesan-crusted chicken plate in rare shells I wouldn't have blinked
I was just thinking that this thread was missing pics of that location. It’s...something else.
where is this second picture from I'm so lost wow
My friend walked in there and said, “I feel like I’m inside a uterus right now...” NAILED IT.
The John Hancock only seems to serve the underlying theme of @MaxKriegerVG 's thread: the goal of TCF is to create a memorable enough atmosphere to override an otherwise mediocre dining experience.
Why is there a mammatus cloud in this restaurant?
I was also going to say if you think that's nuts, you HAVE to try the Hancock CF. It is like being in a womb mixed with Marvel Cinematic Universe's Asgard.
You must read this. Also, can we talk about how I always feel squished in there?
i have never set foot in a cheesecake factory and had no idea what i expected but this thread has made me question my very reality
i fucking hate cheesecake but i have to go here now to see this first hand what in the world
honestly it’s just a fancier looking version of olive garden and i might even go as far as saying their pasta is worse than olive garden. and i HATE olive garden.
i expect to hate the food. i simply must see with my eyes
(i'm too broke to go anyway)
Servings are big enough to share, if that helps...
The thing about TCF-as much as you NEED to hate it for all the reasons in the thread, the food is always tasty and service always adequate. That’s the truly perplexing part.
At least Olive Garden is consistent in its theme, Cheesecake Factory is a fuck-all of design
This impulse to see if it's as horrible as they say is responsible for 53% of the death toll in horror movies
looking at the way things are heading my life expectancy isn't looking too hot anyway. fuck it
There's plenty of not-cheesecake foods but they're all in 4 meals for normies portions.
It’s a horrible atmosphere don’t bother
and all of this to buy a single meal that could feed a family of four.
this place looks like the houses i build in the sims or my planet coaster parks
Are these piles of beautiful garbage on the gallery and what is your name on it if so?
The difference is somehow yours look cool as hell, Cheesecake Factory is a nightmare
These are amazing and now I feel like playing the Sims again, dang it.
that's a wonderful Banksy installation on the side of the last one there
An indoor pool lined with carpet?!? Are you mad, sir?!!
No but really those are gorgeous
these are actually pretty damn cool....oh god im part of the problem
"But you see, these items all have the most cost efficient ++room and ++mood stats," I say to no one in particular.
Not related but i started reading this when Africa by Toto started and finished all of it when it ended. Im questioning the world in at least 3 or 4 plains of existence rn.
You should check out @africabytotobot
just so you know "burn this thread down" was my public display of affection for this thread
Want to see something really wild? Here’s a temple that David Overton, the founder, funded:
The House Of Worship The Cheesecake Factory Built
Sufism Reoriented, a small, well-funded California religious group, announced plans for a new sanctuary. Then the battle lines were drawn.
thefader.com
That is wild!
I was just checking the comments to see if anyone had brought this up!
My folks were right in the middle of it. The article is a pretty fair assessment.
that's a lot of nippleless boobs
Wow, that is a different kind of ugly right there
Omg it’s America’s Pancake Parlour!!
Was our Pancake Parlour cult-like?
well written article
my favorite fact about these guys is that they have like next to no market research or menu testing operations. they just bring new potential menu items to the founder and he eats them all in a row and permanently adds the ones he likes to the menu
it makes me think of quaking peasants leading livestock into a dragon's lair, hoping that their sheep will appease this ancient and inscrutable beast
he has harvested the tastebuds of ideal specimens from throughout the world and used gene therapy to augment his own
Let's not forget the time they had TNT hold a cooking competition to give a regular person $25K to create a new sandwich that appeared on their menu for a while.
I'm not kidding.
Cheesecake Factory - Winner Reveal | On The Menu | TNT
Watch On The Menu, starring Emeril Lagasse and Ty Pennington, Fridays at 8/7c only on TNT. SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/TNTSubscribe About On The Menu: On the Me...
youtube.com
I...want to find people who've tried this
he is... The American Eater
He's Toriko. He's building his Full Course Menu.
Hold the fuck up, you can't be serious
what? that is amazing.
It all makes so much sense now 😭😂
What the fuck did I just read???
read this thread
ive never seen the inside of a cheesecake factory and im absolutely screaming
This thread is one of the only acceptable uses so far of the 280 character limit
I 100% agree!
Maybe on the mainland but in Hawaii it’s the bees of casual dining. #Hawaii
Damn you! *shakes fist* *plans lunch*
Cheesecake Factory's Grand Lux Cafe is even crazier. Over the top art deco.
And more ratchet than TCF 😂
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this was a Hot Thread . . . i too have marveled at the style of The Factory
I wrote a paper in college, which turned into a competition speech, on the fucked up semiotics of The Cheesecake Factory. Our thoughts align!
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as an employee...all of this is true
did you read the whole thread 😂
i did. it’s all true. everything’s plastic. they wanna come off as “fine dining” and force us to act like we’re in a fine dining restaurant but we’re just a barely upgraded applebee’s
you right!
and like dont even get me started on the fucking menu. our menu is literally a manuscript with the food taking on the last names of its ancestors. like you know how we have four last names in spanish that make our name sound like a sentence? thats every item at ccf i shit you not
i didn’t even realize that 😂
go there and order like the farfalle chicken with roasted garlic. or the fucking shielas chicken and avocado salad. or a goddamn crispy pineapple chicken and shrimp. even our cheesecakes are sentences. reese’s peanut butter chocolate cake cheesecake like what the actual fuck
ok but the farfalle with the roasted garlic is my favorite 😂 but that’s just way too much shit to remember. i could never work there
i honestly don’t know half the menu because literally everyone in the world orders the same 20 things i really only remember the shit people get more often
i wonder if someone out there actually got everything in the menu. not in one night but through out there life
i wouldn’t be surprised tbh
they probably died before they could finish the menu tbh. that’s just.. too much
way too damn much
ccf be doing the most all the time
but why tho?!
exactly. why tho. you know we deliver now? that’s how desperate they are to be a super power among restaurants.
are you serious?!?
deadass
what the fuckkkk
that’s exactly what i said when i found out and what i’ve been saying every day since we started
is it good business or is it just a bigger hassle?
it’s a bigger hassle because it’s through a 3rd party company it’s not even us that delivers and all the managers were like “oh you guys are gonna make more tips now” BITCHE WHERE? we don’t get tips from the deliveries. the drivers are mostly assholes too.
all restaurant managers are idiots. constantly saying we’ll make money on some dumb shit the company decides to do. when we know for a goddamn fact we won’t
imma tell you that one time a driver came into my ccf and grabbed the order he was supposed to deliver and THAT BITCH WENT INTO THE BATHROOM WITH THE FOOD i told my manager and we got his ass reported real fucking quick cuz that shits nasty af
what type of triflin shit is that
facts. this is why i don’t go out to eat
Important thing I've always wondered - do you still wear white pants, and how the hell do you even cope with that as a server?
side note- did it bother you like it bothered me that they all kept saying cf instead of ccf....lol
lmfaoo yea it did but i try not to let that kinda thing annoy me too much because i get people everyday describing what dish they want and pronouncing the name wrong. you’d be surprised how many people can’t say “dulce de leche” or even “chocolate mousse”
lol ohhhh dulce is the worst with pronunciation but they even fuck up with the simple godiva...i dont get it.
or calling something a name that isn’t even close to the actual name. i get “nutella cheesecake” and “birthday cake cheesecake” all the time in reference to the hazelnut and celebration cheesecakes.
adams peanut butter cup fudge ripple cheesecake fml kill me
is that even necessary
the whole restaurant is unnecessary tbh
like adams peanut butter cup fudge ripple, FOR WHAT
Now following!!
That's horribly unfair. The quality standards at TCF are high and the food is good--some of the dishes are great. (The NY Times had great article on how we can use their approach to improve our healthcare system). Applebees is essentially McDonalds meets Fridays.
Yeah she’s reaching with that. The food is better, tableware etc. not to mention all cheesecakes are hand made. Sounds like a disdain for her job.
I love CF. good food.
I could do with an entire blog of deconstructing the design of American food chains.
You said everything I've thought about that place. It's almost unbelievable that Trump didn't develop it.
It's actually successful tho
And a lot of the menu is a bit "exotic" for Trump.
I recently ate a Cheesecake Factory for the first time while in the states & it was an astonishing place.
your thread captures it perfectly!
I wound up at one of these when tripping once
I was not disappointed.
Yeah. I used to get really stoned and go to the Grand Luxe Café, their sister restaurant (same size, same design, roughly the same menu, same insane a statics)
please journey down this with me
Hot shit. I honestly love the Cheesecake Factory and I love this thread so much it only makes me love this establishment more tbh and now I'm hungry for some chicken bellagio
“Chicken Bellagio” what a name. What does it even mean !
HONESTLY!!! like "fancy Vegas chicken you hit the slots got a jackpot and won 8 servings of pesto, arugula, and prosciutto"
Wow that sounds bomb tbh I’d eat it
Goodbye Diane!
no one going to the cheesecake factory is worrying about calorie counting diane
that chicken looks like garbage
Lmao “8 servings” so true. I’m a sucker for that CB! 😂💀
The best ever. But I sub with mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes are never, ever wrong honey. you get it
According to yelp the 200+ item menu is a customer favorite trait of the restaurant
Post modern design hellscape🤣🤣🤣
The themepark comparison is dead on, it’s like the faux ancient greek part of universal studios
Via yelp, Everyone seems to be so so or hate the food, but consistently love the decor
NYC has become a CF
Dimly lit, dark browns and golds, expensive looking, ambiance music, roomy stalls
For some reason this gives the impression that you have a lot of experience reviewing bathrooms.
I 100% read this in Stefan’s voice 😅
"Accurate!"
Thank you, Baby Jeebus...just went back and read this in his voice and I am crying
READ NOW HURRY
Bishhh I was so confused this thread made everything clear to me
Finally, the CF that opened near me in NYC made everyone go crazy and the wait is regularly 3 hours
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check this one out
Enjoyed this, probably the only long twitter thread I've ever enjoyed. V good content right here
i thought of both of you while reading this. It’s awesome.
This was a joy to read and I want to save this forever. Who is this man, this hero.
Lmao @alyssamarcella read this whole thread
👏👏👏 Now do Buca!
THIs wherethat pussy boy drake like eating huh
You'll be pleased to hear that the website is as weirdly misdesigned as everything else about the restaurant. There is, strangely, no Cheesecake Factory in Portland.
I guess hipsters could go to it ironically, much in the same way they hate-drink Pabst?
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That was a beautiful essay. Is it bad I recognized where some of those photos were taken?
Somebody get umberto eco on the line
California Pizza Kitchen is better!
you need to read this thread lol
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I had a waiter there once who told me it was inspired by Scientology? Dunno if that's true ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Design needs government oversight. It’s time.
If that's not trippy enough, here's the view from patio of our local TCF...Mall of Qatar, Doha.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any Wilder.
could not open my mouth wider than a straw in that freak show...
cc: our outing and what did I SAY about the design of this place
it's basically disney land
Disneyland would at least split its design styles between separate venues. This looks like it was built out of the stuff they had left over.
Cc: @meganamram just in case
the whole thread
If you want a fully immersive "postmodern design hellscape" themed dining experience I highly recommend dinner at The Cheesecake Factory
from a design perspective that place is fuckin wild and I'll talk a little bit about why
Well, this explains everything😂
We approve this thread/essay/manifesto
Also the music? It should be like, classical or Celine Dion or something. I was in one not long ago to spend a gift card and had to interrupt someone to go "I'm sorry, am I hearing Nick Cave in the Cheesecake Factory right now?"
I feel like those gift cards really keep them going. Basically the only reason I've been is I keep getting the cards
They know how to make a burger medium, every time. The servers have always been friendly and do their job without feeling over the top. (In Houston at least) The menus are quite ridiculous, indeed. (More menu items than a Texas Mexican restaurant [not Tex-Mex])
The Galleria cheesecake factory
Haven't been to that one, but the Baybrook one has always been a good experience.
Been to Memorial City? I actually worked there a while. Good people. Insane menu, though.
To top it off, the food portions are monstrous. It's nauseating. As a child my family ate there and the entire experience was so overwhelming that we never came back. And I never fully understood why. Now I do. Thank you so much. It's like the McMansion but worse
Hollow, tacky, exactly what we deserve
Great fuckin thread
you should check this thread.
The acoustics in these places need work too.
Way too loud, even with all the partitioning.
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What a great thread. But...I live in Seattle. No reason on Earth to eat in this place when there are likely 20 different better restaurants a block away.. In any location. In any direction.
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Best tweet/thread have read to date. Laughed out loud.
I thought it was just the menu I hated.
Man I wish white people deep dove on their supremacy and racism in America just once. Might actually change something. Instead it’s wasted on hipster Chili’s.
The screaming birds on the columns?
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get at this
Thread! Read and enjoy
How to feel about this brilliant thread deconstructing the aesthetics of the Cheesecake Factory, @JerseyJoe50!? Want you to interview @MaxKriegerVG about this on your web series The Brew!
with all that being said try not to put me on blast cuz while i hate my job ya girl still needs to work and make some sort of income lmfao
I would suggest deleting your tweets as someone is bound to pass it on. Sadly.
If these places somehow manage to become the only architectural remains of our society, future anthropologists will be fucking confused.
this sums up how confused and overwhelmed I feel at Cheesecake Factory
I liked it better when they rebranded as Claimjumper.
I love their salads. Who gives a crap about the decor and the big menu. If you can't handle all those choices, that's your issue. Back off the Cheesecake Factory and no one gets hurt. We got to eat there last week when we visited Arizona... Yum!!!
I mean , they didnt slag the food, just said its architecture is fucking bizarre so not sure why you're mad?
might as well not go
pls read this thread for your enjoyment I hope
This is a must read for @caityweaver
This thread is amazing. That is all.
Just wait until you stumble upon a Grand Lux Cafe; it’s a Cheesecake Factory Without the Cheesecake.
I did a little reading into both Grand Lux and RockSugar and I have to say I'm glad this absurd vision continues to blossom
I guess I question the existence of Grand Lux. What’s the point of a cheesecake less Cheesecake Factory?
Grand lux is kind of amazing when you need happy hour on your lunch break.
our "factory economy" has long since been moved far across the globe, but we still want the romance associated therewith!
Brunch is pretty decent too
This. Empty plastic grandness. At least Cheesecake is crazy fun plastic grandness
Rocksugar is a culinary DELIGHT with delicious food, drinks and a ‘to die for’ happy hour
They’re owned by the same ppl.
I recently had the worst salad in my life at Grand Lux Cafe.
Lol. Gotta read this cause I think this every time I go there... also Drake's lyric reminds me of how busy it is and that it's setup seems conducive to getting in an argument
Now I agree but the Buffalo Blasts and the Brown bread are the sh$t lol!! And the red velvet cheesecake 🤷🏽♀️✌🏾
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Great thread Max 👍🏼
I went to one, once. I thought it had been built in 1985 and was overdue a refresh. I didn't realise it was *deliberate*.
Also, they seemed really irritated that we'd only gone there to eat cheesecake.
Damn this is some trash sophomore year at at a liberal arts college analysis, just because you made this tweet multiple parts 😂
read this thread 😂
It looks like every tacky RONJ’s home.
This was brilliant.
Lol read this @LouietheFresh
This is my favorite thing
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It feels like Vegas in the late ‘90s.
Bravo. I'm going to Buffalo this and I wholly anticipate to see that disgusting font looming in the distance. Looks like a billboard for a Salsoul Christmas album
Seashells anyone? Eyes of Sauron?
went to a cheesecake factory Once and described it as "atlantic city casino" while being completely over stimulated by the noise of peak dining hour. i remember the food being Good, though. like, surprisingly so.
Spot. On.
The Trafford Centre in Manchester (England) perhaps plumbs further depths from a design / architectural POV. Designed by people who though LA casino design was too tasteful.
this is fucking epic
The ones near me tend to have advertising for local businesses in the menu. It's really off-putting, because you have the attempted opulence of the menu and then badly photocopied jpegs for healing crystals or whatever.
I had not read that article about the temple (and, obliquely, the CF founder) until after posting this, and I don't want my comment about healing crystals to come across as belittling that religion.
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this. this is the content I sign on for.
The only one in Oregon is the best though because it's in a really shitty mall. But like they're just stuck there ya know?
They're meant to have a right decent Santa Fe Chicken Salad, I hear.
This place is a mess.
This made me snort laugh. And want some avocado egg rolls.
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Those weird ass wall sconces always make me feel like the Eye of Sauron is monitoring my alcohol intake.
I’m going to go in Waikiki tomorrow, to honour this searing analysis.
This thread is bananas.
I've never been to The Cheesecake Factory and I don't ever want to now
I'm guessing you don't like it?
The food on offer is a death sentence, so no need to pass through the beautiful doorway
I was just about to go today ! Definetly making it for lunch or dinner tomorrow
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excellent service as well
As an non-American this helps me understand why Trump won.
Definitely the same non-aesthetic
Agreed and also - great Peter Gabriel song
it's the best thing about the longer usernames imo
Totally fair. You are on to something
It's our current prez in restaurant form
omg read this thread haha
the people who willingly choose to eat here believe it IS fancy.
read this thread right now
Actual screaming
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this seems like your jam
So... Hearst Castle.
this dude’s thread is shittin on our favorite fine dining establishment!!!
Your thread had the sarcastic charm that would’ve made the perfect guest lecturer in art school👌🏼✨
The building’s decor reminded me of another, smaller chain Sam’s Joint, basically an I Spy book to occupy kids and the menu was so cringy it hurt a little part of my soul 🤣
fuck off
The place is always packed here in South Carolina where the obesity rate is sky high.
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Great work. But I checked out as soon as I saw "caramel chicken" on the menu. Further solidifying my decision to never visit a TCF. If anyone asks why, I'll direct them to your tweets.
Agreed. The atmosphere, the massive menu, the food portions—all too much. One visit was one too many.
Can we talk about the free bread though? Specifically the brown honey wheat bread
I think @krisnair will find this thread interesting.
Sounds like a tiny indoors Las Vegas.
plz read this fucking thread HAHAHA
Wtf hahahahahahahah
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this is, unquestionably, the best thread I have ever read on twitter.com
feels like your kind of thread
*slow claps* someone finally fuckin' said it.
I noticed this, Starbucks reserve in US seem to have high quality oak effect melamine counters. Starbucks reserve in UK just have a slab of Oak. feels like synthetic is a cultural goal there.
possibly a lukewarm take but this is similar to my Hearst Castle tour experience. tacky, gaudy, ostentatious but not terrible.
I think you would enjoy this thread
This is the most amazing thing I’ve read in the last 2 1/2 months
When the dust settles on the extinction of this Shit civilization and a new species roams the earth they will gaze upon TCF like we do Rome.
Isn't this basically Michael Graves with new wallpaper? It seems very Disneyesque. Not a bad thing necessarily, but not groundbreaking either. IMHO.
The menus, I'm afraid, are a design abomination.
weren't we talking about how Cheesecake Factory exterior is awful???
Holy shit that's fantastic hahahaha. The random Lord of the Rings Sauron Eye is the best addition. It's like 3 coke heads with different ideas agreed to just throw a bit of everything in therr
TCF closed permanently in Atlanta years ago. The building is still vacant.
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I'm actually crying
Also it's astonishing how many CF menu items appear in the "NOT THAT" section in @DaveZinczenko book EAT THIS NOT THAT! Calorie counts are 😱😱😱
essa thread é tu
this thread.
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this thread. 🧀🍰
really fucking wild
This made me smile so, so much. Well done, eel done 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I’m dying reading this as Ive been contracted out to replace all of their interior lighting
This thread would be a perfect place to drop the adjective "syncretic"
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The first time I went there I was expecting something a little more classy than what u actually saw. I was confused. I thought I had somehow stumbled into some sort of knock-off Cheesecake Factory. Then I learned that, nope, this is real life and disappointment is a constant
I found you on twitter just to tag you so you can read this @camerongile
I was going to lose my mind all day not getting to read this. Thank you so much ❤️
How could I deprive you of this masterpiece?
Have you visited the Trafford Centre? You'd love it.
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You. Made. My. Century. ❤️
please read this thread 😂😂😂
I bloody love the Cheesecake Factory. Maybe more because of the design. It’s the opposite of the slick branding everyone else has.
This is a thread you'd be interested in @cecesolivan
Never forget the time my boyfriend got horrible food poisoning from TCF, never been back since... nor has anyone in our families 😨😵
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a place for you, you cheesecake nonce
The US is so weird
So are you jealous or what? The food is delicious, the lines are out the door, the environment entertains, people work and make, money what’s the problem?
If I want Applebee's food, I'll go to Applebee's.
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this thread is for you 👌
Cargo shorts, for sure. (So you can take home extra baskets of bread.)
just in case this hasn't already clogged your mentions
Cheesecake Factory: Vulgar, bloated and cheap. The ultimate sugar ultra high experience
It reminds me of a 90s movie theater pre-movie animation, or maybe Minds Eye era cg architecture
This is all i would expect from a place that's not actually a cheesecake factory and yet announces itself to the world as a cheesecake factory
Yeah, yeah. We've all noticed. We just want a chain restaurant where we can go stuff our face with a mediocre meal selected from a 27 page menu, all predicated on the desire to pay nine dollars for one slice of cheesecake at the end.
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you have said everything i have ever thought about ccf every time i go bravo..... thank you for freeing me 😩
They've also settled multiple class action lawsuits by their employees for blatant wage theft and other labor abuses, so a hellscape to work for as well.
Ew. How about a place without raped mammals.
Please review the TCF in Chicago in the dungeon of the Hancock tower. It’s similar but with psychedelic 🍄 influence reminiscence of the Hobbit’s lair
read this shit lol
I feel like you missed the most absurd piece about this. There is no actual cheesecake being made at “The Cheesecake Factory.” It’s not a factory at all...... just sayin..... 😂
I love how extra this is
We’ve only eaten there twice (when on holiday) as they don’t exist in our part of the world. In 5 years when we eat there again, I’m def gonna have to really check out the decor. I was so hungry at the time I didn’t care.
Epic scathing
read the whole thread lmao
Isn’t it wonderful? And cheesecake!
They are Amazing! Like some Greco-Roman Egyptian Baroque Trump Tower Hot Mess!
Omg Max this EXPLODED
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This is hilarious
“But *why* the Cheesecake Factory??”
I enjoyed this more than I should have 😂
In 1995, I knew someone who was suing them bc they made the servers carry heavy ceramic plates to the tables & it gave her back issues.
~postmodernity~ @snyd_erin
Keep your head down and eat the "Avocado egg rolls" if the hell scape giveth good rolls I eath & not give a fuckth about the décor.
It's on the line of "hole in the wall" but "amazing food" 😊
Fucking love TCF
This is glorious. Thank u
The habatchi steak is my jam!
I went there this passed weekend. I found it strange that every other page of the menu had a huge list of specialties. There's no focus on cuisine and makes choosing difficult
Can’t handle CF. Take a look at the calorie count on their menus. That’s enough to cure you.
What a thread. Definitely perfectly describes everything I felt about my last trip to Cheesecake. Literally asked my mom “Why are they always so gaudy, I wonder why they design it like this.” Everything from the “ambient lighting” to the staff in all black seem so off.
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This is so perfect. I am in love.
Thanks for sharing...good read
Partial to the eye of Sauron myself
I remember when CF opened in Columbus. Was like Mecca for a meal as a @DenisonU student. Triple date with @todddefeo and @griffiths44. Only one relationship survived that meal.
Better than Miller's Essenplatz?
I was the only one under the age of 60 who liked Miller's @ThisWeekHennen
You may be correct on that.
thetraveltrolley.com/2011/07/centra…
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No mames jajajajajaj Fry’s y laser tag wow jajajajajajaj
Hilarious and well done. Went to TCF first time in 10+ years. Something very off abt that place!! You nailed it.
Has @hankstuever seen this thread? I think he'd like it
Whoa! And I thought wearing stripes and plaid might seem crazy!
It's the ideal restaurant for @TheGoodplace.
Send Gordon Ramsay in there I wonder what would be left after the dust settles.
Wow...I can’t believe you put this much thought into the Cheesecake Factory, and I can’t believe how much I enjoyed your musings! Great thread! 👍
have you seen this thread? Made me think a bit of your essay. When baroque capitalism gets sloppy it’s kinda fun.
Holy shit, this is amazing
THE portions are insane. No wonder obesity is a problem.
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I was just reading this
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We need to discuss. :) @tee_ess_jay
let’s go
read this
It's wild...and satanically good
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This is too fucking accurate. Plastic mugs and wicker chairs 😂
I once described Cheesecake Factory as the Earth-themed section of an alien Disneyland, if the designers had never actually been to Earth and only saw pictures of Egypt, and Lord of the Rings.
Man @GordonRamsay would have a field day here.
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“all the tcf's a stage, and we are but its players” 😂
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lol @ this thread
making sure you see this!
this thread is accurate
you would enjoy this thread
I would do a live reading of this thread w/ you for charity
I just read this and was like, “how does Tim know I’m awake and what I’m reading?”
*slowly lowers in front of you wearing a window washers suit*
I would pay for both the reading and to see Tim in a window washers suit.
I have to disagree about the food, which in my experience is universally dreadful. When a restaurant has a menu that enormous, the food has to be sitting deep frozen somewhere, waiting to be microwaved to edibility. Everything they serve tastes like it has just been resuscitated.
Whenever I’ve been there I’ve always thought.. are we going to just act like this place doesn’t look fucking insane
I've always thought of it as the next job for whomever designed Saddam Hussein's bathrooms.
I've been to TCF once by force so never really noticed the decor diarrhea. That said, this thread provided me a much needed break from today's haps and for that you have my undying love and devotion. I thank you.
I️ need so many people to see this
I love how some establishments seem to have multiple 'Eyes of Sauron'. I have shared pictures of these bad choices, before.
"Chaotic visual fantasies realized with no aesthetic discipline. An obsession with appearance of luxury." Sounds like some Fountainhead/Roark-style thinking there. Why can't we just have clean lines with no ornaments?
you might want to read this #CheesecakeFactory thread.
Among the many reasons why the Big Bang Theory show is lame -- one of the characters worked at "The Cheesecake Factory" and it looks ... like this:
I have been to a Cheesecake Factory exactly once years ago when it was a New-ish Thing around here and it made me uncomfortable and the food was bad. I don’t even remember the cheesecake.