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Okay, so Bitcoin.
441 replies and sub-replies as of Feb 05 2018

Bitcoin is a decentralised currency that is backed by energy that is harvested from traffic on the world wide web, or internet.
It was invented by Satoshi Nakamoto, a developer at Nintendo who mysteriously disappeared in the 1990s. The multiplayer mode in Goldeneye N64, on which he was lead developer, uses a primitive form of Bitcoin to keep track of high scores.
Today, Bitcoin harnesses energy from everyday web traffic and converts it into coin at a rate of about one block every ten minutes. the HTTP you sometimes in the browser address bar stands for "Hash To The Protocol". HTTPS is "Hash To The Protocol (Signed)".
Hackers are constantly trying to guess the block passwords, or "sign" then. But it's very difficult because passwords must be at least 8 characters long and contain one symbol and one uppercase letter.
Whenever a hacker guesses the password, that block is put onto the ledger, or "blockchain", which is an Excel spreadsheet where all the bitcoins are kept. No single user can control the spreadsheet because it is shareware.
Once on the blockchain, Bitcoins can be traded for goods and services or even for other currencies. And because no one except the hacker knows the password, it is totally anonymous.
To own Bitcoin you have to pay a hacker to crack a password. The more demand for Bitcoin, the more the hackers will charge per hour. This is how Bitcoin's price changes with supply and demand.
But as Bitcoin's price rose, people became aware of the environmental cost of producing millions of graphics cards. This is because whenever you give a hacker money he will upgrade his graphics card.
Here's where the story gets more complicated.  And it's the story the MSM won't tell you.
Bitcoin's success has led to the launch of many other "crypto currencies". One is called Tether, which is like Bitcoin except it is backed by US dollars rather than web traffic.
Tether is controlled by a man from Ukraine called Dimitri Bolgakov, who is a hacker. He uses the dollars that are put on the Tether blockchain to buy Bitcoin, which involves paying himself to hack the passwords.
Bolgakov then uses the Bitcoin he has hacked to buy Tether, which generates the dollars needed for him to hack more Bitcoin. (This is all detailed in the Tether white paper.)
You will have seen the recent plunge in the price of Bitcoin. This was triggered by Bolgakov last week upgrading to an NVidia GeForce® GTX 1080 Ti, which can play Quake III in max resolution at 60fps with all the lighting and textures enabled.
Since last week, Bolgakov has been playing Quake III and not buying any Bitcoin.
As of this moment, Bitcoin's biggest investors are gathering in Quake III's Dungeon Zone to try and kill Bolgakov. However, environmentalists are also corralling there with the intention of protecting Bolgakov and suppressing demand for graphics cards.
So far, Bolgakov's superior GPU has given him a speed advantage over all other players. But there is still one challenger who can take him down.
The Bitcoin community awaits the return of Satoshi Nakamoto.
best crypto legend to date
So - should I buy it?
to be continued....🍿
You pretty much nailed it
Satoshi confirmed Quake Live Champion
The whole design of Bitcoin is to not rely on Satoshi's return; but instead, to awaken to our individual significance and duty to secure Bitcoin.
That was an insane rant. Well done. Followed.
Not sure what hacker means, does it have to do with hackysack? What is Nintendo?
Superb! I never saw it from that angle, now all makes more sense! Thank you so much! Waiting for the Pink Paper for Bitcoin 2.0
Pink Slip can be obtained by playing Need For Speed Most Wanted instead of Quake III
Good point. But you will need white ink for it. Oh snap.
Like the weaving of a fine tapestry, with a few coarse burlap threads of truth to serve as backdrop for the rainbow of glittering threads of satire, obfuscation, deceit and bitterness.
That damn 1080Ti😹
Great intro for a TV show.
If this was a novel I would totally spend money to read the whole thing. 🤣
Beautifully written satire! I’ll bet you code and are a sadist.
For those who are puzzled, this thread is satire. Also, don't trust, verify.
Wish I had Jason Bourne’s ability to read a map for 1 min and memorize everything.
Cant wait until that expansion comes out
I found Satoshi Nakamoto it was me... the whole time...
...and you would have gotten away with it too, if not for those meddling kids!
It will never happen, becouse Satoshi Nakamoto playing Unreal Tournament.
Ok now you're making sense
We have all been expecting your next order, sir.
Satoshi is my uncle and I can confirm this thread is true.
Lol. All clear to me now.
This... is actually better than most descriptions of bitcoin out there
I love these live tweets of upcoming Netflix movie pitches.
This needs to be a movie
IF this is true then everything @ProfFaustus has ever told me is a HUGE lie. PLZ CONFIRM @rogerkver @JihanWu !!!!!
I feel there is an error here. The proto bitcoins werr Pokemon, created by Satoshi Tajiri.
The plot sound better than 90% of the movies I’ve seen last year.
Huh, haven't been trolled so well in a long while, GG.
This tweet chain should be a book. I would read it. Multiple times.
I’m crying
Bitcoin is an amazingly interesting and rich story. Sadly, many will get caught daydreaming, while platforms like #ethereum transcend fable.
I'd watch this movie.
Could you do something explaining Segregated Witness please?
Spielberg should develop this as a movie starring Tom Hanks.
Me reading this thread:
The match began at the end of 2017 and it was like that: - fight - excellent - three frags left - impressive - two frags left - perfect - one frag left - excellent - you have taken the lead - holy shit Suddenly January has come... - you have lost the lead - sudden death
I want to see this movie.
Real eye opener 😆
I mean it doesn't make any less sense than real Bitcoin.
4Chan level shitposting! Bravo!
Honestly I laughed, I cried, I wanted to punch you at least once per tweet. wp
This is biggest crypto shitpost if I've ever seen one
It makes as much sense as the real thing, i.e. zero. Good work.
Obviously, this is a simplification.
This is complete bollocks. He didn't write GoldenEye, he wrote MarioKart
OK so can anyone explain what blockbits are then?
The clear message to us all: Be the Satoshi Nakamoto you wish to see in the Quake III dungeon.
WOW! I'm sexually arroused after reading this thread🍆
I believe this was considered as a sequel to Ready Player One
At least as plausible as any actual explanation!
Only known picture of Satoshi Nakamoto
Y'all are joking but this is anime-level contrivance. Give this man a studio deal
I can’t eat my lunch because I am literally sick from gagging with laughter at this. Well met, sir.
this is the most cyberpunk tweet I have ever seen
THIS IS FALSE! Bolgakov has been playing Witcher III
Ahh, I see he's a man of culture as well.
Do you call this satire or something of that kind? I really have no idea what you are on about
We humans call them "jokes"
They are not marked as such. Furthermore other tweets in that thread are not even trying to be funny but I would imagine 70-80% of non-technical people would think he is trying to educate
Today, Bitcoin harnesses energy from everyday web traffic and converts it into coin at a rate of about one block every ten minutes. the HTTP you sometimes in the browser address bar stands for "Hash To The Protocol". HTTPS is "Hash To The Protocol (Signed)".
I, too, bookend my jokes with the loud statements "THIS IS A JOKE" and "MY JOKE HAS CONCLUDED"
Well could also be some kind of necessary social skill to let people subtly know you're kidding ^^
Most people aren't autistic and don't need to have "IT'S A JOKE" flashed up in red letters at the end of a joke
They might need that when u're straight up lying about a subject they have no idea about without clearification that ur joking.If u tell non-tech ppl HTTP stands for "Heavy Tits Time Pal" in a technical context they might get it,but this?Seriously?Dickish
Today, Bitcoin harnesses energy from everyday web traffic and converts it into coin at a rate of about one block every ten minutes. the HTTP you sometimes in the browser address bar stands for "Hash To The Protocol". HTTPS is "Hash To The Protocol (Signed)".
One could argue that recognizing a joke without being spoon-fed is also a necessary social skill; similarly, it's a crucial skill to be capable of verifying information you find on the Internet because people do tell jokes, lie, or write satire on it.
Hilarious! Loving it.
Hey thats my graphics card! 😂
This is the point where you started lying. Completely ridiculous. There’s no way anything can run Q3 at 60fps. Totally undermines the rest of a very educational thread to include this one lie.
As a domain expert, I am in awe of this pedagogical masterwork.
Now if you'd said Far Cry I'd have been impressed.
Best thread ever made!!
monopoly produces competition competition produces monopoly monopolists are made from competition competitors become monopolists <Karl Marx - the poverty of philosophy> @mattblaze
I'm glad someone else was able to bring it up. Not a lot of people are aware of the resources that are put into these high end electronics. Minerals and metals, some of which are very rare and hard to mine. Nor are they aware of who does all of the hard labor that goes into them.
I totally agree with you I mean you have to dig really deep in Minecraft and then where did I put that crafting guide again maybe under the pizza box?
hahaha this is where I finally cracked.
I feel personally attacked by this relatable content
My favorite bitcoin conspiracy theory is that AI is already here, invented bitcoin so we would feed it more and more GPUs and its power would grow. Honestly I wouldn't even be mad that would be amazing.
This links bitcoin back to the gold standard as the top end graphics cards all have solid gold pins.
except because #capitalism, the public is kept very much in the dark about the environmental cost of anything.
You can also buy it legally on an exchange?
Yes. That is called "Man in the Middle" - they pay the hacker for you from the fee they take.
They might also just pay for the hardware their system is running on, but I guess when you're working so closely together with hackers - as of course everyone involved in crypto is 🙄 - hardware costs are free and so are food and healthcare. The plot thickens...
Ahh, the well know POTHeadHacker Algorithm. Proof of Time: Head Hacker.
Phenomenal 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is by far the wonkiest piece of the "distributed" puzzle to me. Who advertises work they want done how? How do miners pick what work they want to process? All the "distributed" claims hinge on this being fair & equitable. I fret not.
I traded for drugz
so, you can't do this?
LOLLLL "which is an excel spreadsheet where all the bitcoins are kept". So good.
Guess CORRECTLY? Or just guesses?
>8 characters long and contain one symbol and one uppercase letter Buttcoin$
Weird, I thought HTTP means Hypertext Transfer Protocol with S at the end being the encrypted meaning Secure. But hey what do I know
Yeah, they’re going to have to rewrite all those standards documents that say “Hypertext Transfer Protocol” to match this tweet, I guess
It's a satire.
And how exactly wood non-technical people know by reading this tweet?
It becomes obvious as you go down the thread. Reading for context :-)
They "wood" realise it because it's an obvious joke
Yea I love my Samsung auto-correct. And show this tweet to your parents without indicating anything and they will surely laugh their socks off 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 🤔
Someone should notify @timberners_lee, the Internet Engineering Task Force, and World Wide Web Consortium that they got it all wrong. 😏
must be a parody account
Lol....are you fucking kidding? Is this for ignorant people?
Wait what? Here i thought HTTP was Hypertext terminal protocol... i was wrong for like 20 years.
Hypertext TRANSFER protocol...
What's hyper text transfer protocol then :/
Oh. I should have read one post more to realize this is all bunk. As you were.
Lol. Such wrong. Hypertext transfer protocol.
Stopped reading here. Hyper-text transfer protocol.
Read the rest of it, it's funny :)
This ain't what I learnt in school tho'. What happened to hypertext transfer protocol (secure)
Maybe that's what HTTP means now (although I doubt it) but when it was first invented it meant "hyper text transfer protocol and the "s" on some of them meant "secure".
That's not what HTTP stands for 🤦‍♂️
I only realized you were shitposting by this tweet. Before that, I thought you were explaining/interpreting Bitcoin poorly. I'm deeply ashamed of myself.
Why are bitcoin guys always trying to harness knowledge they never had? HTTP is the acronym for Hypertext Transfer Protocol, NOT Hash To The Protocol. Similarly, HTML is the acronym for Hypertext Markup Language. Both these terms have existed LOOOONG before bitcoin. #SMH
The whole thread was a joke...
totally wrong stop miseducating gullible folks
HTTP stands for "Hash To The People". Get your facts straight!!!
Hal Finney or @ProfFaustus who is Satoshi Nakamoto?
#bitcoin is just a video game!! :-D ~i knew it!!
Old school: @MonopolyUK money. New school: @Nintendo money.
Is this story even real? The twist is thrilling.
What? Source? I have never heard the Nintendo link, I call BS.
How many hours did you play multiplayer? If you play for 64 hours straight, a secret room opens up where Joanna Dark, from Perfect Dark, will explain the connection. That's where this guy got his info.
Goldeneye was developed by Rare in England, not Nintendo in Japan. Sakamoto’s name isn’t in the game’s credits. This just doesn’t pass the smell test. The only record I can find is a recent graphics artist, def. not an engineer in 1997. Got a source?
Satoshi Nakamoto Video Game Credits - MobyGames
Satoshi Nakamoto has been credited on games developed by the following companies: Arte Piazza Ltd. and Square Enix Business Division 5. This does not imply employment by these companies. Satoshi Nakamoto was credited on a game as early as 2013 and as recently as 2016. His/Her career probably span...
bitcoin is stored in the goldeneye carts
You have to use a Game Genie to reach the unreachable island in the first level, and read the poster on the wall that explains it all. "You have won at life, and for that you deserve a bit of coin. Break open my cartridge and claim your fortune. There is gold in I."
Yeah, yeah, I figured it out like one tweet later.
It's clearly satire. Or should be clear
It's a joke, buddy
Wow, this is blown wide open now. Expect BTC to plunge after this
It's not the Nintendo guy. Actually the guy who started never revealed himself. So where is this from?
Can you cite the Nintendo shit?
Then we should know who he is right ?
Dumb investors read this and the used price of Goldeneye skyrockets
Was Satoshi the lead on the game or just the multiplayer feature?
I really really want the Nintendo part to be true. Why can’t the real world be that awesome?
Where did you get this info?
Everybody knows this
it's on the goldeneye 64 whitepaper
wat u're saying is complete bonkers unless this is a parody
DonkeyKoin - why not?
Any insider info?!
How the heck do people know he worked at Nintendo???
Stop right there. How does one "harvest energy" from internet traffic?
The “p” in “http” actually stands for “pickaxe”.
oh they don't, they use it up
This is one of the greatest twitter threads I've ever seen that perfectly explains how bitcoin works. I await the Total Dollar Collapse gleefully as this clearly better system only has more and more hackers sign on to this wave of the future
And all of this happened in the voice of Adam Curtis.
Lmao I was believing this until like the third to last tweet i’m gullible
So you casually went past the 2nd and subsequent tweets? SMH
Yup. Didn't you read the white paper?
Haha I love these crypto guys.
You'd like them much less if you think for a minute why it's called "white paper". You're right, KKK is behind all this. And #MeToo
Of course I didn't read a white paper, I just put my life savings in blind and hoped for the best.
Yes it’s all true
Sounds legit. Now tell us about the other coins
My gran says she finally gets it. Thanks for the clear explanation
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Thanks! On the strength of this I'm going to put my life savings into Tether, which is obviously Bitcoin but with a blockchain "kicker".
Quake III is Satoshi's true vision
Wolfenstein 3D is the true vision of Satoshi. Quake III is the fork!
It should be everyone's true vision tbh.
Lol this thread is jokes
Thanks for pointing it out!! Was about to use it for my dissertation!
It’s English slang for “funny”.
God dammit I need to keep up.
Yeh, wasn’t pointing out that the thread was a joke. Don’t worry, given the number of USA peeps who liked your reply I’d say you weren’t alone lol
I can't tell who got leveled here.
or just found it funny on its own
"Klearly" Kristian as he got more likes - guess peeps got his sarcasm.
The whole point which you seem to have missed, is the sarcasm was misplaced as he misunderstood what I was saying, owing to the fact I used English colloquialism and he’s American.. much like the people who liked his twee.. oh I can’t be arsed lol 😂😜
Sorry for the all unintentional banter you got mate. Worse still, I'm not American, just another guy from a shithole country with flags people won't recognize recognize 🇲🇾 🇲🇾
Ha no worries, says more about them than me. Isn’t that Malaysia?
or people appreciated his accidental humour, that's what I am saying
Well I checked Kristian's TL before. He seemed to be in deep with Cryptocurrency.🤔
No: his was funnier. And, somewhat ironically given the ensuing explanation, came across as better colloquial English (because it was).
The irony in the intention behind the response though
It's twat slang for funny😀
actually, this thread is entirely accurate
Wrong but very funny.
Which parts are wrong?
Your age - oh your age ;)
it all makes sense now 🤯
😂 The Quake III part made me laugh hahaha
Just as fairytale as the real thing...
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Lmao I thought I was having a stroke while reading this
Subcribe. SUBSCRIBE.
Can someone pls make a movie out of this events.. I'm as excited as baglakov and Nakomoto themselves.. 🤣
Maybe the next Dan Brown's book: "The Nakamoto's code" or "The lost cybersecret of freemasons" could be used as a script for this movie.
I was playing with this guy who was raping our team in Quake III (obv had advantage, seemed like he owned the GTX 1080ti) and his playername was Bolgakev420blazeIt360NoScopeYOLO. Wait, was it really Him ?????!!!
All of this is true, but not in the literal sense. This is one of the best bitcoin writeups on twitter hands down.
Hilarious. .@JamesGRickards will get a laugh out of this
...gotta read the whole thread btw
Win up to $200 in Bitcoin every hour! Win up to $150 in Dogecoin every hours! If you feel lucky Play bitcoin casino
Quality 😂😂😂😂😉
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Hahahaha! This deserves a movie... a short film in the least. Lol
I for real imagine this as an animation on YouTibe
This is comedy lmao
You definitely know everything about bitcoin but didn't telling truth, because truth hurts.
You've got a sense of humor for sure.
Finally a non-patronising explanation that makes sense.
"energy that is harvested from traffic on the world wide web, or internet" is just plain bullshit. Sorry, can't find a better word.
Can you explain it better?
Damn, i had it all wrong. . .
this should entertain you
I dont care about the bitcoin.. fuck trumph
This is beautiful
Bitcoin will rally until April with new ATH. And then dip again above 14-15k. #prediction #btc #TrustTheProcess #FlyEaglesfly
What the fuck have I just read?
I lost it where it said you pay a hacker to get the bitcoins 😂🤣😂🤣
This thread is creative gold
Caio, isso é real? WTF
claro que nao. piada das boas
Aff, queria que fosse verdade
this gave me chills
Mining Bitcoin from block
Just made my whole damn week. You should write this into a full whitepaper
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Thanks for this yo
this thread is great 😂
I have literally no idea what is going on.
I just pissed my pants
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s hilarious!!
Seems like u had big loss in #bitcoin
Ready player one
I know so little about cryptocurrency that my brain literally can't distinguish if this is real or just jokes
It's jokes, it got me for the first couple of tweets in the thread but it's definitely jokes
Lol that's what i figured. But honestly my brain was ready to accept it as reality because it feels right
It felt wrong to me, but just this side of plausible, up until it said HTTP stands for whatever it said it stands for, and then it just keeps going
😂 thanks for that
Then Randy has to find his son and give him the magic hammer. Dey took our crypto
Lol! This is so good it almost makes you wonder if it's not a parody! Bravo!
This was very informative. Can I use it in my article on crypto for @TheAtlantic ?
You left out the part about needing to beat a boss for the last bitcoin block.
Finally! A succinct summary.... 😂🤣😂🤣
My understanding of actual Bitcoin is so nebulous that I was believing this for about 5 tweets.
This is actually so beautiful
If I could just save others the trouble, this thread is neither correct nor funny. Rather go do something interesting with your allotted time on this earth than read this.
Wrong! I recommend everyone take their time allotment and don't spend it on the tweet above, you will seriously regret it on your death bed. If you have read it, read the next 10 tweets faster to catch-up and you'll probably be fine. Assuming your allotment lasts that long
Is time allotment waste! Use it wisely.
You’re wasting mine man please stop I can feel it running out, please man for both of our sakes
Beautiful !!!!
That's a fucking movie right there..
This is the funniest thing I've possibly ever seen on Twitter
Bravo... well done!
Okay. Well I haven't read any other descriptions of what the hell Bitcoin is.. so I'm just going to accept this
I get it now!
At the moment, this is pretty much a one-stop-shop for all currency manipulators. Don't get me wrong. I think blockchain is a big step in the right direction. Bitcoin per se, however, is socio-politically flawed and subject to gaming by uber-wealthy.
Love it. Goldeneye N64 killed me.
Hahah well done. So funny how many people thinking this thread is NOT a joke.
Why am I not surprised that so many people took this thread seriously?
A cryptocurrency based on how many tweets it took you to realise there was something wrong here
Best fanfic of 2018. Would buy.
thought you might like this thread
Right? Not being tech inclined, I was with it for a while, and then it took that turn towards the end and left me dying.
I'm calling the police
Bitcoin people have no sense of humor.
This should be in Wikipedia, no? #bollocks
Tiddlywinks is a safer source of new currency for those who want to dabble in Bitcoin !!!
The last part reminded me of that South Park episode. Where they spent weeks leveling up high enough to defeat that one guy that was killing everyone and the creators of the game helped out by giving them this special sword 😂 this was too funny and it had me going smh
Guess what we also play video games 🤑🤑🤑🤑
Yeah, $12 for Super Bowl I, but my dad was making $35/mo as a private in the Army
This thread itself is some of the best cyberpunk sci fi I have read this year!
Great thread OP 10/10
a strangely fitting handle for a thread about bitcoin
You forgot to mention Godzilla that emerges from the Pacific Rim
Omg, now my sister-in-law is going to find this and believe it really works this way. And there goes an hour and a half....
Only Blockchain and it's algorithm make sense to me
Came for the insights, stayed for the jokes, bought popcorn for the comments.
oh i miss playing quake
I find it hard to believe bitcoins price is down simply due to Quake III. This all sounds pretty far fetched.
Is it fanfiction?
That was incredibly funny, did i detect the subtle bouquet of William Gibson somewhere in that description?
it all makes sense
Clippy is proud.
the naked truth
I finally understand blockcoin, bitchain and cryptobite technologies. Thank you, Bryce.
Interesting story formulating here. Does Satoshi play as Oddjob? Didn't Oddjob have the advantage of being a shorter character in the game? Or am I mixing my games?
I'd laugh if news media took this serious
What the fuck someone STOP HIM
hahahahahaha så ved i det
So how many Bitcoin do you suppose have been created by the traffic caused by people reading these tweets? Asking for a friend.
you're hilarious 🤣
Have my follow 👏👏👏
bitcoin is stored in the balls
Ready player one 🤓
Bitcoin Tor ¡s used to buy pure grams of narcotic hallucinogens? Yes but thats snitching dog? I wouldntgive no undercover my shippinganthrax add eris and thanatos cards i have cashmere lined blue platemail forsale Dinky Dabo Loverofearth Littleboyblue whats good? grids ind skylo
I propose The Longest Yard, railgun only, no armor, first to ten.
The scales fall from my eyes (so i can weigh my cryptobucks)
I’m just gonna cut and paste this and publish my own “white paper”!
You have a bright career in tech journalism.
I do hope @BryceElder will go on to explain Docker and Kubernetes! :-))
Okay, so Bitcoin.
Serverless FTW...
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Best pseudo explanation of Bitcoin so far 😂😂
This thread is glorious wrong but insightful
Well done, golf clap. Time to invest my entire life savings now that I understand Bitcoin. How can it go wrong?